Can you just, like, be a bit less dyspraxic?

Dyspraxia makes me clumsy, awkward, embarrassing and messy. Believe me, I know how frustrated you are with me, because I live this every day.

I really, really don’t mean to be careless.

I don’t intend to come to your house and trip over your stuff, break things or make a mess.

I know I should “think things through” more, but I don’t really know exactly what “thinking things through” means, because my brain doesn’t process stuff in the same way yours does. A sequence of events and consequences that seems logical and obvious to you just isn’t to me.

I know it’s really embarrassing when we go out and I’m always the one that spills something, knocks something over or walks into the door.

I really, really do try very hard to not do these stupid things, but they happen anyway. Sometimes I get so tired from the effort it takes to concentrate on not doing one stupid thing, I end up doing other stupid things instead. I know you think it’s because I’m careless or impulsive, but it really isn’t.

I wish you knew how I felt when I get things wrong and screw something up and I feel so helpless because I didn’t see it coming.

Even when you’re nice about it, I feel terrible. Sometimes it’s actually easier to deal with someone being angry at you rather than trying to suppress their anger because they know they shouldn’t get angry at someone who can’t really help the way they are and it’s a disability but seriously, what the hell is wrong with you girl?

I hate it when my dyspraxia becomes an inconvenience and an annoyance to my friends. It makes me wish I was different. It makes me hate the way I am.

I would really love to be a little less dyspraxic. If you figure out how, then please do let me know.

Photo credit: James Broad