Questions That Are Making You Miserable (And How to Reframe Them)

Where am I going?

Why does it feel like I can’t get to where I want to be?

These are questions that humans have likely asked themselves for thousands of years.

Whether we mean it in the physical sense (Why is it taking so long to get to this place?) or the emotional sense (Why am I not happy yet?), there are questions that follow us around like dark clouds.

But what if there were more to it than that?

What’s if there are better questions to ask?

There are.

Let’s discuss them.

What’s this feeling that I’m feeling?

First, Let’s Talk About Bad Questions

Remember when your teacher told you, “Don’t worry! There are no bad questions.”

At least, that’s what several of the more well-adjusted ones said to me during my years of schooling.

But the more I thought about it, the more I started to disagree with that notion.

I don’t think there are objectively bad questions, but I think there are questions that can lead down less than savory roads.

For instance…

Why am I not there yet?

This questions poses all kinds of problems.

Let’s break it down.

First, it’s incredibly vague.

Vague questions like this one tend to lead to murky waters.

If you don’t have a clear idea of what it is you’re looking for, you’re never going to find what you truly want.

Second, what is “there?”

Is it a magical land where nothing goes wrong?

Is it Sweden?

Where is it?

Vague questions with vague words lead to vague, underwhelming feelings — not specific solutions to your problems.

Are you guilty of asking vague questions?

I am.

And that’s why I try to do this instead.

Enter, the goal-directed question.

A Better Kind of Question to Ask

I really try to avoid boring, technical stuff, but I think it’s illustrative here.

Have you heard of SMART goals?

You know, the goals that are:

1. Specific
2. Measurable
3. Achievable
4. Relevant
5. Time-bound

I know, it seems like a lot.

It seems like it will take too much time to frame your questions in this way.

But that’s not what I’m arguing.

I’m arguing that you use this as a general framework.

Because a framework is better than a vague blob of a question.

For me, it can be helpful to FIRST focus on a goal that I want to achieve, and I’ll use this framework to set up.

I want to meditate 5 times in my favorite comfy chair over the next 7 days.

Now, this is just an example.

But what happens is this: When you add specificity to your life, you start to get specificity in response to your questions.

So, if I ask myself, “Why am I not meditating?” my brain will start to look for answers based on the input it was given.

Is 5 times too many times to meditate in one week?

Is my chair not comfy enough?

Should I just be focusing on one day at a time?

Specific questions lead to specific answers — the kinds of answers that are actually helpful.

They pull you out of the tricky trap that bad questions create.

In Conclusion

You are not stupid, nor are you a failure.

You’re likely someone who is overwhelmed like everyone else.

I hope this helped you understand that the default mode of questioning doesn’t do much to get you out of whatever predicament you’re in.

So next time you’re wondering “What to do?” or “Where to go?”, add some specificity.

You’ll be giving your brain something good to work on, and you’ll be much more likely to find the answers that you’re searching for.