The Daily Maybe #22: Good Things Are Hard To Build
Sometimes it’s hard to practice what you preach…
You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.
— Desmond Tutu
Hello and welcome to The Daily Maybe! Now, with Medium being such a prominent hub for blogging, startups, and general business advice, among other things, I understand how you may have thought that title up there was about such topics. Alas, they are not what this post is for.
Today’s post is for family.
Specifically, this post is about the importance of family, and how I’ve recently been reminded of that lesson, among others.
Actually, why be all cryptic? I’ll tell you what I’ve learned: I am a damned hypocrite. That subtitle up there? That’s a self-subtweet. I am big on practicing what you preach, and I’d like to think that, for the most part, I follow through on that belief. When it comes to family, however…
I’ve been sorely lacking.
Now, that’s not to say I’m a complete failure with my extended family. On the contrary: I’m wonderfully close with certain uncles and aunties of mine — they’re like immediate family to me, through and through. In general, I have a friendly relationship with most all of my elders, and am sociable and playful with cousins of all ages. That said, there is one significant way in which I’ve been falling short of my responsibility to my family.
You see, recently, I’ve been wanting to build.
Back home in London, I have extended family that I adore. When I still lived there, everyone lived within an hour’s drive of each other; most were a mere fifteen or so minutes away from our house. Family was a huge influence on me growing up, and with the frequency of our gatherings, it was easy to grow close with my relatives.
All that changed when we moved to Canada, however. Though my extended family here are both plentiful and proximate, I’m… really just not that close with them. Like, at all.
Don’t get me wrong, there are members of the family here who are technically “extended” but feel like immediate family. My mum’s sister, my aunt Raani, is like a second mother to me, and her family are like my own. With everyone else, however, there’s a feeling of comfort and emotional closeness that is simply missing, especially compared to my London family.
Sure, I’ve gone for a hike with one cousin and became good friends with some of her friends. Yes, I watched Furious 7 with another cousin, and I joke around with my aunties as I did back home. The thing is… that’s kind of it.
Thinking about it, it makes sense. When I moved, all this family was new to me — the connections weren’t going to magically transfer over from London, or appear fresh out of nowhere. I had to make an effort to bring about those bonds once again. I had to build.
The thing is, after moving at a time when I really didn’t want to (I was 16 and finally stepping into my social butterfly stage), I was feeling a bit apathetic towards family. I already had good family, and I couldn’t be bothered to try with anyone new. Bad attitude as that is, it persisted for years after the move.
…which means it still exists today.
After moving, I became a familial recluse. Sure, I went to every event or gathering for the first year or so, but after that short time, I gave up. I hadn’t made any major breakthroughs with any of my Canadian extended family, and I really wasn’t enjoying myself while with them, so I stopped going out to them.
Though I grew to regret this soon after, I ended up placating myself with the idea that “oh, well it’s too late to try now. I’ve shut them down too many times, I may as well just keep things as they are.”
How bloody stupid.
Eventually — so, now — I realised the error of my ways. I went to a family gathering for Eid, and ended up… kind of enjoying myself. I spoke with cousins I hadn’t spoken to much before, and we found common ground. They shared entertaining stories from their uni days, and even gave me a couple of blog post ideas in the process.
I tried. And I built. It’s a work in progress, but it’s a connection nonetheless.
I’m going to keep working at it.
🍉 Well this was late. Still trying to do better; writing’s been feeling a bit of a drag lately.
On the note of improving things, however, I’ve started to implement my official daily schedule for the summer! Mans regimenting his time, and this season shall be one of growth iA.
Ooh, also, I’m getting deeper and deeper into God of War and absolutely loving it. The game is brilliant; the story is enthralling, the exploration and combat are phenomenal, and there is nothing quite like the feeling of having the Leviathan Axe fly back to you after a throw, Mjolnïr-style.
You yeet,
It yeets back.
Today is my mum’s birthday! As I write this, we’re about to leave for dinner. We all gave her our presents at midnight (mine was the best), and it’s been a cute day so far.
Till next we meet,
Sarim
