Opa!

OKStupid: A series of tragic letters to single men 

You have a big fat Greek family?!
I want a big fat Greek family!!

Would you like to have them?

Yes, please!

They’re all yours. I’ll have them delivered soon.
They’ll get lost and call you one-hundred times. You should probably just pick them up yourself.

Having hailed from a long line of Midwestern Catholic Pollocks myself, I will be there early, defiling the name of Jesus Christ no fewer than thirty-seven times.

And when I’m done with him, I will move on to the various saints and apostles.

You and my dad will get along great. He loves reminiscing about the saints… while cursing.

Here’s my number…
Pass it along to your father. Let him know I have a bone to pick with that wang, Saint Peter…

(You should probably save it in your phone, too)