13 reasons why I hate 13 Reasons Why

Because it sucks

13 Reasons Why is a television show on Netflix. It is about a girl in high school who commits suicide and leaves behind tapes on which she recorded why she did it. The show is getting a lot of attention.

Some say it is good because it gets people talking about serious issues that affect our youth. Some say it is bad for not treating those issues with enough respect and honesty.

I did not like it.

Here are 13 reasons why I hate 13 Reasons Why.

  1. It sucks
  2. It’s more faux-woke than Kendall Jenner
  3. Zach’s jump shot is an abomination but he’s getting college offers
  4. It feels like if Target and Forever 21 got together and produced an after-school special
  5. It’s source material is a YA novel written by a guy whose real name is purported to be Jay Asher (go ahead and miss me with that “YA literature is just as good as regular literature” nonsense because grow up)
  6. That guy from Wings is in it
  7. Tony is a poor man’s Bruno Mars and no one wants to hang out with a poor man’s Bruno Mars
  8. It made me wish that it was created by the people who made The Purge and they were just messing with us until the final episode which involved everyone dying
  9. My nine-year-old could beat Justin in basketball
  10. If you looked up “glamorizing suicide” in the dictionary you would find a Netflix login and a directive to immediately watch 13 Reasons Why
  11. All of the horrible tattoos.
  12. Where the hell are everyone’s parents?
  13. If you’re going to tackle extremely sensitive and triggering issues — and show a suicide on-screen — then you better absolutely, unequivocally get it right and not offer up some warmed over Teen Nick garbage and then expect a pat on the back and a medal for saving the world

Look, these are issues that should be discussed. Bullying and teen suicides are real and horrible and devastating. And maybe the author of the book and the producers of the show had their hearts in the right place. And it’s probably a good thing for parents to watch. But it is a terrible thing for teenagers — ostensibly the audience it is supposed to help — to watch.

To me, the most telling thing about 13 Reasons Why is that it never provides any real-world resources for kids, or anyone for that matter, that need help. It would have been a simple yet vital step for the showrunners to take. They chose not to.

The phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1–800–273–8255. Their website can be found here.