What comes first, compassion or defeat?

There are certainly lessons to learn based on the outcomes and different ways that the allies treated the defeated central/axis powers during WWI v. WWII, but I do not know if they translate directly to how we approach Daesh now. Before reconciliation, those enemies were utterly defeated through total war. I think it would be hard to find anyone who would claim we have done that. How does that sense of defeat affect the intended political change afterwards? Does defeat have to preclude a compassionate reconstruction?

How do you defeat or neutralize an issue — violent extremists — that seems to have a never-ending well of resilience?

This issue is quite complex, but that is obvious. Otherwise I hope that we would have figured it out by now and fixed it.