The Voice

Imagine yourself at a social event around your closest friends. You all seem to be having a good time. You then see this one kid with a bright smile on his face. Based on what you see on the outside, you assume that he is happy, sociable, and unperturbed. But, deep inside, that person actually feels depressed, lonely, upset, and frustrated. He doesn’t know why he feels this way and in his mind, he should be asking this question, “Why me?” I call this the “Voice in My Head,” a subject that plays games with the way you feel and interferes with your everyday life in a rather negative way. That’s exactly what has been happening to me. Since August of 2017, I never knew that maintaining my mental health would become my biggest challenge yet. Anxiety isn’t something that can be easily brushed off. It is something that affects so many individuals around the globe, including me.

Let me walk you through what is like to experience anxiety at its peak. Five weeks ago I had an anxiety attack. For those don’t know what it’s like having such attack, it was the worst feeling I have ever had. I just came back from a political event and I felt somewhat overwhelmed and unnecessarily worried. I had a stress ball on my left hand, squeezing it as hard as I can, trying to relieve all the tension I had. But, I wasn’t successful. My mind was wandering elsewhere, filled with unpleasant thoughts about what was around me and what could happen to me. I was in complete panic mode, giving up my ability to think and reason properly, gasping for air and begging for help as I text my closest friends and my family. I then broke down in tears, feeling worthless, worried, and lonely. From there on this “voice” was dominating my life day by day, interfering with my ability to think, rationalize, and love, and I thought I was the only one who had to deal with this distraction in my life. It interfered with my ability to focus on what was happening in class, my ability to maintain my passion for politics, as well as my ability to write more blogs right here on Medium. This was my third anxiety attack (I had one in 2017 and two this year) and I began to worry more and more about my outlook.

Now I did not visit a therapist nor did I visit my doctor because I felt like I have the perseverance to fight this “voice.” When my sophomore year was over, I was still experiencing this feeling. I spent the next 2 weeks spending time with my family, who blessed me with so much love and support, and sought the help of many of closest friends. I even wrote down all of my thoughts in my diary, compartmentalizing each one by severity. After weeks of reflection, I then came to the realization that of all the things that were in my mind, this “voice” was nothing but a ploy to interfere with my lifestyle. After having this realization, I decided to revamp the way I live my life. I cut down on the amount of coffee I drank, since the overwhelming amount of caffeine in my coffee gave me the jitters. I spent more time with my family, who gave me so much love and support throughout my life. I also practice a special breathing technique almost every day, just to rid of all the bad thoughts from my mind. While I am breathing, I think about the folks who greatly impacted my life in a positive way; people who love me and care about me and have been important assets in helping me fulfill my dreams and goals. With a calmer mind and a more positive attitude, I began to notice a difference in my lifestyle. The “voice” changed its negative tone to a rather positive and more uplifting one. I even got a full 8 hours of sleep. And you know what, it was best sleep I have ever had in months.

Now I know some will be thinking that what I did seems pretty simple and normal. But, for some, it may not be. Even though I did not receive any medical attention, I feel the need to speak out about this because I have experienced what many people around the globe have struggled with, which is maintaining their mental health. It is just as important as your physical health. In fact, there are some that experience very high levels of anxiety or other mental health disorders. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million Americans deal with an anxiety disorder, which is roughly 18 percent of the population. The techniques I did would absolutely help those 18 million who experience high levels of anxiety, but, I believe that there is much more that can be done. More should be done to address issues dealing with mental health. I want to make this very clear: EVERY EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION IN THE UNITED STATES MUST DO MORE TO ADDRESS THE NEEDS OF THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH MAINTAINING THEIR MENTAL HEALTH. We must invest in more therapists, counselors, stress-reliving programs, and more mental health facilities on every single college campus.

I am not 100% and I never will be. I have had many emotional roller coasters throughout my life and I know another episode maybe on the horizon. But, even though I am reminded with the many negative experiences I had to deal with in my life, I never let those experiences shape who I am and your experiences shouldn’t shape who you are either. If you know someone who is in a struggle with this “voice” in his or her head, never be afraid to reach out. There is nothing wrong in doing that. I can’t think of any other way that will make your day, then to change someone’s life. It is also imperative to be aware of those around you. You never know how someone is really feeling until you actually understand his or her emotions when you interact with him or her. Finally, if you are one of those 18 million experiencing a disorder, don’t worry, your are not alone. There is always someone there for you. Never ever lose faith in yourself and those who supported you and always have hope. As I write the last few sentences in this blog, I am reminded of the love and support I have received throughout my life and am determined to do what is necessary to help those who are struggling with their mental health. I can finally end this piece, with a smile on my face and a heart filled with hope.