Connect with your Teenager

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” — Virginia Satir, family therapist
Hugging your teenager is by no means an easy task. They either wiggle their way out or else just freeze as if to say, “Go on, get over with it quickly!”. Not very encouraging! In fact, most teenagers elect to give up on expressing or even reciprocating physical affection with parents.
Virginia Satir has, for a long time, been advocating a ‘12 hugs a day’ policy. While this might be challenging to achieve, I strongly believe that, as parents, we ought to strive towards providing our teenagers with some form of affectionate physical contact on a daily basis.
So, what does a hug really say? It says, “You are special to me and I care about you”. To a teenager, this translates into “I am loved and valuable”.
Parental touch is irreplaceable. It allows teenagers to feel safe and secure by lowering anxiety and making them less hostile. While they might roll their eyes in protest, teenagers need you to reach out to them and remind them that you care. When their behavior really drives you up the wall, lean in and give them a warm hug. As you do this, they feel an acceptance that says, “I am angry but I love you”.
It is imperative that you find little windows of opportunities to make physical contact with your teenager. You can hug them when you see them in the morning, give them a pat on the back or just simply put your arms around them. You can even make this contact a part of your daily routine e.g. make it a practice to hug them before either of you leaves home for the day. Sometimes, even a quick side hug can help get through an adolescent’s high walls of non-compliance.
Indeed, the adolescent years comes with a certain angst of their own. Investing in the flow of touch, whether as a big bear hug or a simple ruffling of hair, will do wonders for your teenager’s wellbeing.

