Do You Ever Feel Self-Conscious?
You need to know about The Spotlight Effect.
A few weeks ago, my partner Dec and I went bowling with some of our friends. On my very first bowl, I didn’t knock over a single pin. The ball went straight into the gutter, and I felt that moment of shame, thinking, “Everyone is looking at me, and I’m so embarrassed.” But, I took a look around and realized that no one cared. None of the strangers in the bowling alley even looked twice. My friends shrugged and said, “Hey, better luck next time.” And that was that.
But, the previous time I went bowling, I must have been 15 or 16 years old, I had the exact same experience except for one big difference. I didn’t know about The Spotlight Effect back then. So, I bowled the ball, and it went straight into the gutter. I had that moment of “Oh my gosh, everyone is looking, I’m a loser, I’m so embarrassed,” and I accepted those thoughts. I thought they were true.
I quickly went and sat down and became so nervous about the next turn that I felt physically sick in the stomach. And because I was stressing out about my performance and felt like everyone was judging me, I kept bowling terribly and felt worse and worse each time.
So, you might already be able to guess what the spotlight effect is all about. Basically, it’s the tendency for people to…
