Mindset Chronicles: If You Want Something Different, You Have to Do Something Different
“This has always been a struggle for me…”
“I’ve never been able to…”
“I always start strong and then end up quitting…”
“I’ve tried to change so many times before…”
“I can’t seem to get myself to stay on track…”
“I feel like everyone else has figured life out but me…”
“I wish I had done this work years ago…”
Our brains are so fascinating.
We look to our past to see what we’re capable of in the present. We conclude we are only capable of a limited amount and we fall into despair because we think we’re destined to live out a life of quiet desperation.
But sometimes we try to let ourselves out of our boxes by dreaming of something new or different.
Then our brains look out into the future, imagine us failing or being judged (and found lacking). Our brains signal our bodies and suddenly we’re awash in the chemical experience of the pain, humiliation or embarrassment we would feel in the future, but in our present bodies.
Our brains — having “gone” into the future — start to backpedal and flood us with very convincing reasons why we should stay where we are and avoid pursuing the “dangerous” course of action.
What’s so incredible is we do this all the time.
We go to the future, imagine a worst case scenario, feel what it would feel like, and then make decisions in the present so we can avoid feeling those feelings.
When we make future decisions based on what we fear feeling now, we will never live greater than our past.
The good news is we can change the trajectory of our lives at any moment.
We just need to be brave enough to do the work to create something different.
Consider this:
If our brains can create physical feelings of fear, anxiety, dread, worry, humiliation in our bodies now based on an imagined worst case scenario in the future, can we not use our brains to do the same thing, but based on thoughts that better serve us?
Our past exists in memories.
Our future exists in imagination.
Both memories and imagination are experienced in the present in the form of thoughts.
Thoughts can feel truer or more real, depending on the intensity of the emotions that follow.
Fear is a very intense emotion, one that our brains and bodies have been conditioned to take very seriously as a matter of survival.
How, then, can we get our brains to future-think in a way that will not only encourage us to dream bigger than our current state, but empower us to take the action needed to turn those dreams into reality?
By intentionally choosing a new line of thinking, over and over.
Our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative. Scanning for danger is part of our brains’ survival mechanism. Our brains can’t tell the difference between true threats to our survival, and perceived threats. The brain senses the body’s biochemical response to something and assumes a threat exists.
In primitive times, this fear response helped us to escape predators and behave in socially acceptable ways so as not to be ostracized by our communities.
In those circumstances, our fear response helped us avoid threats to our physical survival.
In modern times, the physiology of fear shows up in our bodies in much the same way, but based on perceived threats to our emotional survival.
Emotions are based on our thoughts.
The good news is we don’t have to believe our thoughts.
We can acknowledge our emotions, process our emotions, and work to understand our emotions, but then we can help ourselves move forward by deciding on purpose what we’d like to think and feel instead.
This process of awareness takes commitment and daily practice. But with intentional, persistent effort, it will become a habit. And it will change your life.
Negative or worst-case scenario thinking is also a habit.
As with any habit, we can do the work to break unhealthy ones by offering our brains a more attractive alternative. And over time, the new habit will become the more automatic response.
Either way, we’re making a choice.
And every day, we get to make a different choice.
I know the desperation of feeling like you’re at the mercy of your thoughts. I also know the despair of feeling like you’re too broken or damaged for help, or that it’s too late to change.
But those are all thoughts, too. And guess what?
We get to choose whether we want to keep believing them.
In closing, I offer three questions to consider:
- Which is your current habit?
- Which habit will move you toward the life you want?
- Are you willing to put aside your skepticism (which is just a feeling created by a thought) in order to give yourself a shot at something different?
The beautiful thing is this option is available to you at any time.
When you’re ready, you’ll move forward.
………
This is the type of mindset work I do with my 1:1 coaching clients. I help people understand and work with their brains so they can reduce their emotional suffering, stop holding themselves back and start working toward the lives they want.
I teach people how to think differently so they can start to live differently.
Where to find me
Website
To learn more about mindset work, my coaching philosophy or to book a free 90-minute coaching call, I invite you to visit my website at KariWatterson.com.
Podcast
The End of the Day: A Mindset Podcast with Kari Watterson
The End of the Day Podcast is a mindset podcast for people who feel stuck in life and desperately want something more. Each week I explore different ways we hold ourselves back, and how mindset tools can help us work through our thoughts so we can start taking action and start living the lives we want.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, through my website, or via your smart speaker.
For regular tips, resources and insight on how mindset work can change your life, follow me on Instagram: @kari_mindsetcoach
Manage your mind. Take inspired action. Change your life.
The real risk is doing nothing. The real pain is staying the same.
