Top Brews Tuesday: Four Fourths of Football, Four Indeed Super Beers*
We are thirsty creatures, indeed.
That phrase lines the top of Indeed Brewing cans, and this Northeast Minneapolis brewery just happened to be the feature beer at my favorite liquor store when it came time to gear up for my Super Bowl party. They had four beers available in six-packs and I had four quarters to drink through (kind of). “Perfect!” I thought. “I’ll pair an Indeed beer with each quarter of the Super Bowl.”
So, I did.
Warning: if you’re looking for a super-scholastic-fragilistic beer review, just leave now. I drank them straight from the can. I didn’t let them roll over my tongue. I have no idea how they treat the mid-palate. It’s just four beers and four quarters of football. Let’s go.
FIRST QUARTER with Stir Crazy
Indeed’s Winter Ale was dominated by raisin flavor, and drinking a raisin beer was perfect for watching former Vikings quarterback Joe Webb returning kicks in the Super Bowl for the Panthers. Seriously, doesn’t whole that sentence just read like an ad-lib?
Stir Crazy also fit the first quarter by name. If you watched even some of the 120 hours of pre-game coverage, you were also probably stir crazy. The 5:30 p.m. start time became 5:39 after Lady Gaga’s “National Anthem: A Bad Lip Syncing” and the gathering of an Olympic contingent at mid-field to help flip a coin.
*I don’t like raisins, so I didn’t much enjoy Stir Crazy. I wish the advertised flavors of cocoa and vanilla came through stronger. Instead, it tasted the way it felt seeing Joe Webb on the field during the Super Bowl to return kicks for the NFC stinkin’ champion.
Let’s check in the race for Super Bowl MVP.
[embed]https://www.youtube.com/embed/QDcHT-Tzi30[/embed]
SECOND QUARTER with Midnight Ryder
“Aqib Talib just tackled a guy by the facemask,” said one of my friends after the Denver cornerback … well, tackled a guy by the facemask.
Unfortunately for Mr. Talib, using a wide receiver’s head as a hammer-toss handle does indeed count as a penalty. Much like this was much more extravagant than his taunting penalty in the first quarter, this piney black IPA was a decisive upgrade from the raisin beer.
Speaking of up, did you see how high Carolina running back Jonathan Stewart jumped to get into the end zone during the Panthers’ second-quarter drive? I wasn’t too crazy about his “rock-paper-scissors against myself” touchdown dance, but that jump was jaw-dropping.
Despite that score, to quote a second-quarter commercial, the Broncos defense was a different kind of constipation. They forced another fumble, the Broncos kicked another field goal, and Denver went into halftime up 13–7.
Midnight Ryder is a well-done black IPA.
HALFTIME with Water
Didn’t you hear Helen Mirren talk about drunk drivers? Pace, baby, pace.
Anyhoo, Coldplay is still relevant! Didn’t you see the way their lead singer squeezed between Bruno Mars and Beyonce? You don’t squeeze between Bruno Mars and Beyonce unless your band is still relevant! They played that one song, and … that other song! Coldplay is back!
THIRD QUARTER with Dandy Lager
Carolina kicker Graham Gano didn’t look too crisp on his field goal attempt, and Peyton Manning’s arm might have been a bit too lively on a 2nd-and-5 pass attempt that went 10 feet over his receiver’s head in the end zone, but at least this Dandy Lager lived up to its billing.
Meanwhile, let’s see what we learned during our third quarter commercial breaks:
Budweiser is not backing down since 18-something-something, do you hear that? They are not backing down! They’re making panic moves left and right in the marketplace, but they are not backing down!
The LG OLED TV was brought to you by Liam Neeson Future Man who will give you a weird dragon card that turns into a TRON race track that fits into a briefcase, or something.
Death Wish Coffee sounds like it was named by an eighth-grader but apparently sends a ship full of Vikings into your mouth to kill you from the inside out.
I think I’m okay just buying more Dandy Lager. It’s a comfortable, low-ABV beer. It well suits a third quarter of football, or any time you want to drink cautiously but still enjoy great taste.
Let’s check back in on Cam Newton.
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I couldn’t find a good video of it, but here’s T.J. Ward after intercepting a Fig Newton. Dab it all to Hell!
FOURTH QUARTER with Let it Roll
Peyton Manning’s nightmares manifested themselves in the form of Carolina defensive end Kony Ealy Sunday night. Ealy picked Manning off in the first half; and, to start the fourth quarter, sacked him and forced a fumble. On the ensuing drive, the Panthers scored a field goal to bring the score to 16–10.
“Cam looks way too calm and collected out there,” said one friend.
“Are you kidding me?!” said another. “He’s freaking the fuck out!”
The decision after this argument was that Carolina may, or may not, come back and win this game. It could only go one of two ways.
The Panthers were in the game, though! Despite an offensive effort that looked straight out of Pinky and the Brain, Carolina was in a position to steal the Super Bowl on a late touchdown. It was time to Let it Roll! Get it? Leave it all on the field! This was it! All the Panthers needed was Cam Newton to —
Oh geez, he just got sacked again.
Get the ball, Cam! Get the … oh, geez …
[embed]https://vine.co/v/i1vBHvmiT5B[/embed]
Let it Roll has the flavors you expect from a good IPA, but without tasting just like the last good one you had. I passed it around, and my friends enjoyed it. The host insisted I leave him some. Peyton Manning might be drinking Budweiser tonight, but that’s his loss.
Congratulations to the Miami Dolphins on winning their 50th consecutive Super Bowl. PuppyMonkeyBaby. Turn off your faucet.
Bye.
PREVIOUS TOP BREWS:
The Left Hand Brewery Darker Side Flight
Castle Danger Brewery Big Dumb Stout