Citipoop Service Opens in Manhattan

NEW YORK, NY—Responding to a severe lack of public restrooms in the New York metropolitan area, city officials today unveiled a new toilet-sharing program called Citipoop which they hope will alleviate urban bowel congestion.

“The need for safe, reliable alternatives to clogged and overflowing toilets at Starbucks and McDonald’s has been apparent for decades,” said NYC Department of Sanitation chief William Velasquez at a press conference this morning. “New York City deserves a world-class public defecation system, and we’re excited to finally roll it out with Citipoop.”

With an initial phase of 6,000 toilets implemented at 320 stations, Citipoop is expected to serve tens of thousands of New Yorkers per day. Users can pay $12 for a single-use code to unlock a lid, or purchase a $120 yearly membership key for instant access.

“I used to really struggle to find a bathroom along my morning commute,” says Queens resident and Citipoop early adopter Margaret Haynes. “But now I can Citipoop as soon as I get to 23rd St, which is exactly when my large coffee and breakfast falafel kick in.”

Mohammed Khan, an Uber driver from Staten Island, says Citipoop is perfect for staying on schedule while driving in the city.

“When I’m on the clock, I can’t afford to hunt for a parking space, run into a bodega, then argue with the cashier for 5 minutes just to let me bust a dook in the store,” said Khan. “With Citipoop I can enjoy a breezy streetside dump and be back in the driver’s seat before the light turns green.”