House of Cards Cancelled: “Plot No Longer Scarier Than Reality,” says Netflix

LOS GATOS, CA—Netflix cancelled the fifth season of its flagship series House of Cards yesterday, citing a failure to invent a storyline more darkly entertaining than the current Trump White House.

“When we were still writing the fifth season, we all thought ‘dangerous psychopath lies his way into the Oval Office’ would still be a fun departure from reality,” said showrunner Melissa James Gibson at a press conference on Monday.

“I guess the shark jumped us on this one,” added Gibson sheepishly.

Head writer Daniel McLeod said the writing staff struggled to come up with plot twists that would remain shocking after Trump’s inauguration.

“First we thought it would be exciting if Underwood invited Russian hackers to humiliate Will Conway, but that hits a little too close to home now,” recalled McLoed. “Then we were going to have Underwood start a shouting match with a federal judge, but then that also more or less happened.”

“By the time we got to ‘what if he punches the Queen of England right in the face?’ we knew we were done,” said McLoed, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s just silly now.”

Actor Kevin Spacey also issued an apology to fans of the show, but stressed his support and understanding of Netflix’s decision.

“Look, it would be absurd for me to continue to portray an antihero that most Americans would prefer to their actual president,” said Spacey. “Sure, Frank Underwood may have diverted federal disaster aid for his own political gain, sentenced an innocent journalist to life in prison, hacked a search engine to rig an election, and committed several cold-blooded murders, but he’d still be at least the fifth most reasonable person in the Trump administration. I just can’t make him convincingly frightening anymore.”

To avoid similar embarrassment, Amazon has reportedly instructed writers to suspend all production on The Man in the High Castle in the event that Nazis take over America before the release of Season 3.