Kim Jong Un Says Brother’s Assassination Just ‘Silly Game of Thrones Roleplay’

Kim says he uses real peasants

“Everyone is blowing this way out of proportion”, said North Korean leader, Kim Jong Un, in a statement released today following reports that he had his brother, Kim Jong Nam, assassinated. “We were just having a bit of brotherly fun. Nothing but some rowdy Game of Thrones themed tomfoolery. We prank each other like this all the time”.

Kim, who is a huge fan of the HBO series, explained that the misunderstanding stems from a delay the isolated dictatorship experiences with must-see television. “We’re a little behind here in Pyongyang, so season 4 just aired. The episode where King Joffery is poisoned by his uncle really tickled me. When I saw those squabbling, power-hungry despots go at it, I was like, ‘That’s so our family!’”

North Korean Minister of Culture, Hong Kwang Sun, pointed to a greater cosplay trend sweeping through the country. “People here really get into their favorite shows and want to express themselves. For example, Orange is the New Black is massively popular, so you’ll get lots of folks gathering in groups, dressing up like their favorite characters, and spending a decade or two in a labor camp.”

The fatal poisoning was extreme, Kim admits, but accurate from a cosplay standpoint. “Let’s put this in another context. If we were at the San Diego Comic-Con right now, I’d be taking home a prize, period. The only difference is that Tyrion was framed, whereas I definitely killed my brother.”