The Minute Enlightenment: Bill O’Reilly Fired From Fox News
Published in
2 min readApr 21, 2017
Dogged by an increasing number of sexual harassment lawsuits, Bill O’Reilly was fired from Fox News yesterday after hosting the popular show, The O’Reilly Factor, for over 20 years. We asked for guidance from three top spiritual advisors:
“If they’re looking for someone experienced in asserting dominance over an easily suggestible audience, I’m currently between cults.”
Marshall Peabody • Cult Leader
“One may count the stars in the night sky above us, or the grains of sand beneath our feet, for that, my child, is how many tushes O’Reilly has grabbed.”
Gobind Singh • Semi-Professional Guru
“I felt a great disturbance in the No Spin Zone, as if millions of curmudgeonly voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were forced to change the channel.”
Sunflower Schmidt • Honest-to-God Druid
