The Minute Enlightenment: Floyd Mayweather Will Fight Connor McGregor

The Hottest News From the Holiest Sources

It was announced that a $100 million purse lured boxing legend Floyd Mayweather Jr. out of retirement to fight UFC star Conor McGregor on August 26th in Las Vegas. We asked for guidance from three top spiritual advisors:

“I pray to God almighty that when Jesus returns from heaven to face the Antichrist, the trash talk is half as entertaining as it with these two assholes.”

Marshall Peabody • Cult Leader

“The path to true spiritual fulfillment demands parting with your material wealth. Or as I call it, putting your money on McGregor — ZING!”

Gobind Singh • Semi-Professional Guru

“There is a lesson here children: the meek may inherit the Earth, but the entertainingly violent will always have a monopoly on those pay-per-view dollars.”

Sunflower Schmidt • Honest-to-God Druid