The Minute Enlightenment: Japanese Young People ‘Not Having Sex’

The Hottest News From the Holiest Sources

According to new research, there are increasing numbers of Japanese citizens who have never had, or are currently not having, a physical relationship. We asked for guidance from three top spiritual advisors:

“You know, come to think of it, every Japanese sexual encounter I’ve ever seen has been animated.”

Marshall Peabody • Cult Leader

“Interesting, Japan is suffering from the same sociological phenomenon that I experienced in college.”

Gobind Singh • Semi-Professional Guru

“It’s a shame — all that technological prowess and they still don’t know about Tinder.”

Sunflower Schmidt • Honest-to-God Druid