The Minute Enlightenment: The Hottest News From the Holiest Sources
Published in
2 min readApr 19, 2017
Following the recent United Airlines debacle Delta announced that it will offer customers up to $10,000 for relinquishing their seats on overbooked flights. We asked for guidance from three top spiritual advisors:
“Come my flock, together we shall transcend this plane of existence! First though, let us all board a plane to Houston and check if this particular earthly reward is legit or not.”
Marshall Peabody • Cult Leader
“It is this sort of altruism that led our all-powerful God to finally turn corporations into people.”
Gobind Singh • Semi-Professional Guru
“Man who takes cash in hand, avoids foot in ass.”
Sunflower Schmidt • Honest-to-God Druid