Woman Adds ‘Comedian’ to Online Profiles After Finishing First Ever Open Mic
BROOKLYN, NY — “Put your hands together one more time for Cindy, everyone!”, urged the open mic host on Monday night, as performer Cynthia Weston dismounted the stage having completed her first ever comedy routine. After high-fiving 6 coworkers comprising the majority of the audience seated in the dimly lit dive bar, Weston immediately grabbed her phone and added the title “comedian” to her Twitter profile description.
“Did you hear those laughs?”, asked Weston rhetorically, in reference to the forced chuckles provided by her colleagues. “That’s why we comedians do what we do — for the juice, baby!”
Weston then uploaded a picture of her performance to Instagram with the hashtag, #comedianlife, before offering more of the hard-won wisdom gleaned from a career spanning 5 minutes. “The audience was pretty uptight tonight, especially when I did my blowjob material. I’m not sweating it though. As a comedian, you’re always feeling out where that line is. Much like my comedy contemporaries Louis CK and Amy Schumer, I have to be fearless in that regard.”
“She did pretty good, I guess”, offered Nate Peterson, who sits behind Weston at the corporate marketing job she uses to support a comedy career wholly composed of one free show. “Although she shuffled her feet a lot, and I didn’t really get the comparison between reproductive rights and Skittles. Maybe it’s because I don’t eat candy.”
In contrast to the newly updated “About Me” section on her personal website claiming “the comedy grind” as her raison d’être, those close to Weston say it took months of dragging her feet before the 29-year-old jokesmith finally signed up for the all-inclusive open mic, reportedly after “going hard on whiskey sours” last Thursday night.
Any hint of previous hesitation was absent, however, when discussing her comedy plans moving forward. “Sure, most of that stuff landed, but you have to keep it fresh, keep it vital”, remarked Weston. “That’s why I’m going to write all new material for my next gig, which I’m planning on doing this summer. It would be great if everyone could come. Seriously, I need to bring 5 people to get on stage.”
