25 Things You Should Give Up If You Want To Be Happy
“If you want to be happy, you have to let go of the part of you that wants to create melodrama. This is the part that thinks there’s a reason not to be happy. You have to transcend the personal, and as you do, you will naturally awaken to the higher aspects of your being.”
— #1 New York Times best-selling author of The UnTethered Soul, and industry pioneering CEO, Michael Singer
I learned this secret of being happy and have decided it’s the minimal lowest standard I’ll accept at any given moment for the rest of my life no matter what happens.
I was so relieved to learn that something as profound as happiness can be made so simple.
“Living well” and “being happy” play such a massive role in the quality of our existence and is something that’s in our control.
This is why Tony Robbins, the world’s best personal development coach, continually says:
“Achievement is a science, happiness is an art.”
Prior to this realization, I made the mistake of believing happiness came from moments in the future because expectations were met or worse yet, external goals were achieved.
This state of mind left me yearning for future events to be happy instead of working to be happy on a daily basis, no matter what.
It was pioneering Harvard psychologist William James who said:
“If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.”
What Is Happiness?
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or what you’re doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” — Dr. Stephen Covey
Happiness is a standard and worldview, that’s in our control.
Happy people end up having happy lives — happy lives don’t end up making happy people.
As Sapiens author Dr. Yuval Noah Harari said:
“We tend to believe that if we could just change our workplace, buy that car or finish writing that novel, we would be on top of the world. Yet when we get what we desire we don’t seem to be any happier. Buying cars and writing novels do not change our biochemistry. They can startle it for a fleeting moment, but it is soon back to its set point.’
Happy people are happy no matter what outside events they’re facing.
They’re the quiet resilient ones who are able to face the unhappiest of outside circumstances and overcome.
This is evident from the millions of people who come back from war, face extreme hardship, come from poverty and manage to overcome and live happy lives of compassion.
In a nutshell, the habit of happiness leads to resilience and resilience is the key to a cultivating a happy life.
Does it take work to uphold that standard? Absolutely. And the last thing I’m trying to say is that it’s easy.
What I’m highlighting is that only the power that comes from being a sentient human, allows our sophisticated consciousness that made us the winning species — allowing us to plan for futures by learning from the past, also comes with a sophisticated drawback of constantly thinking of the past and yearning for the future — which often creates angst and unhappiness for many.
As Dr. Harari continued in his exploration of human happiness:
“We are far more powerful than our ancestors, but are we much happier? It doesn’t seem so. Compared to what most people in history dreamt about, we may be living in paradise. But for some reason, we don’t feel the part.”
As Harari stated, we live so much better compared to people of the past, though what continually keeps us unhappy, in part, are these 25 things you must decide to give up.
1. Give Up Your Delay To Be Happy
“We are conditioned to deliberately sacrifice joy in the moment, for the sake of rewards in the future that we believe will bring us happiness. However, when you arrive at your future, you’re still unhappy because you’re always looking for another point at which you will be happy and satisfied. It’s the quality of your present moment now, that determines the quality of your future, because your future also happens in the present..” — Dr. Robert Anthony
All that ever exists is the present moment. Your future can only be as good as the quality of your present moment now, so you can also be happy when you reach [present moment goals] in the future.
Make a decision with a ten second meditation as the first thing you do when you roll out of bed that no matter what happens today and how you feel (you can feel bad but still be happy), that you’ll be happy and it’s up to you to make happiness happen no matter what.
This is like a muscle that needs to be strengthened, so when you reach another future point in time (often a successful one), you can be present then as well — because every future event quickly becomes yesterday’s event and as humans we’re wired to ask “what’s next?” just about every single day.
Don’t make the grave mistake of believing you’ll be happy if only you reach the top of the mountain.
Give up your delay to be happy.
2. Give Up Your Victimhood
“People simply mirror back your internal belief systems.” — Dr. David Hawkins
Understandably, it’s easy to be convinced that you’re a victim to an ugly world —however this is plain poppycock.
The world is how you perceive it, and your reality is created by the lens that creates your worldview.
You view the world with your mind, not eyes — so it’s partly in your control.
Besides all the massive data showing people are becoming more loving and compassionate as humanity evolves, getting what you want is in your absolute control.
If you want to be treated with respect, try believing everyone respects you already, and see what happens.
You elicit behavior in others based on how you behave, and how you behave is based on how you think. So think wisely and check what you believe if you aren’t where you want to be.
Write down 25 things you believe.
You’ll find that list will reflect your reality.
If you want to change your reality, change that list to 25 things you wished you believed were true.
Then start believing them. This is the definition of hypnosis and why it works. Hypnosis is only changing a belief about something.
This hard fact is empowering, and if you don’t believe me, try it.
How do I know this is true? Because there are other people who see the world as positive, loving and abundant. And what one man can do, another man can do.
Give up your victimhood.
3. Give Up Your Meaninglessness
“The purpose of life, as far as I can tell… is to find a mode of being that’s so meaningful that the fact that life is suffering is no longer relevant.” — Dr. Jordan Peterson
Life means whatever you want it to mean and you have the power to create your own meaning.
That is such a luxury. Run wild with it and choose to commit yourself to something so deeply that it makes suffering an afterthought.
What can you live for, that’s worth dying for?
What’s a time you forced yourself to get out of bed at 5am because you were excited?
It’s about story telling and up to you to create yours.
We’re the only mammal sophisticated enough to do this because of our blessing of high conscious awareness.
Squirrels only know how to store nuts and survive the winter.
Birds only know how to fly and travel to warm climates.
This is not up to them, it’s their success instinct — their goals for how to survive are determined.
We’re the only mammal that can pick and plan ultra complex goals. This comes with it’s benefits and as we now know well, it’s curses.
Fast forward to your deathbed and imagine the meaning you wanted your life to have, now write the story and go out and live it.
You’re a hero and a myth and no one can tell you otherwise.
Give up your meaninglessness.
4. Give Up Your Quest For Happiness
“The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality and resilience.” — Andrew Solomon — An Atlas Of Depression
There’s no such thing as “achieving happiness”, there’s living a happy life.
There’s no such thing as “achieving happiness”, there’s being content and satisfied.
There’s no such thing as “achieving happiness”, there’s feeling happy.
All these are available to us now, no matter what our situation is.
If you’re at rock bottom, recognize that at rock bottom the only way to go is up and that it’s often required.
This is why the #1 life coach and strategist in the world always says:
“You see, it’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in the past that determines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them, that will determine your ultimate destiny.” — Tony Robbins
Use painful situations to learn and become more resilient.
It’s the story you tell yourself that matters — and moving forward, no matter what happens, tell yourself a story of glory and overcoming.
This is the reaction pattern you need to adopt and make a habit.
This is the secret of the resilient ones you hear about who overcame hardship to go on and live happy lives.
Give up your quest for happiness.
5. Give Up Your Guilt
“Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death.” — Coco Chanel
Legendary psychiatrist Dr. David Hawkins concluded after a life time of study that every negative thought or feeling is associated with guilt, and as a result, we constantly spend time suppressing it.
There’s unconscious guilt every time we have a negative thought about someone on top of the mind’s constant judging and criticizing of ourselves and others.
To relinquish guilt, breathe in and acknowledge the guilt and honor it’s existence, then picture it leaving the body.
No matter what we’re doing, you feel you should be doing something else.
Let go of guilt, all day and every day and decide to never feel guilty again no matter what you do, how you feel or what happens.
Breathe in and acknowledge the guilt and honor it’s existence, then picture it leaving the body and relinquish.
It’s not productive.
Give up your guilt.
6. Give Up Your Complaining
“Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, it ruins the complainer’s day, too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.” — Dennis Prager
Complaining hurts no one but you.
That feeling of satisfaction you feel when you complain about something is a false positive — a ‘stroke’ the ego get’s for making someone else wrong.
#1 New York Times best-selling author Tim Ferris recommends putting a bracelet on one hand and changing hands every time you catch yourself complaining.
Nobody helps a complainer and the act of complaining makes you unhappy.
Decide you’ll never complain again.
Give up your complaining.
7. Give Up Your Negative Thoughts
“It takes so much strength to say to your ego, ‘You know what? You’re going to keep me lonely, so I have to ignore you.” — George Michael
Negative thoughts never serve you, it’s just story telling that creates suffering by your ego.
Your ego is around to keep you alive by keeping you focused on your fears.
Recognizing this is empowering and letting go of the feelings that create those thoughts even more so.
As Dr. David Hawkins says: “thoughts in and of themselves are painless, but not the feelings that underlie them”.
Hawkins suggests anytime you feel something negative (from the feeling of fear), don’t resist it, honor it’s existence, and let it go. Make this a regular habit when you feel bad and you’ll live longer with less stress.
Give up your negative thoughts.
8. Give Up Your Denial
“Denial is a surefire way to achieve nothing in life and business.” — Sam Ovens, CEO, Consulting.com
Everything you have and that’s happened to you is because of you.
In one of the best mindset trainings I’ve ever taken, Sam Ovens tells his story of living in denial.
Living in denial of hard truths is a sure fire way achieve nothing in life he says.
As. Dr. David Hawkins research supports:
“Denial results in major emotional and maturational blocks. It is usually accompanied by the mechanism of projection. Because of guilt and fear, we repress the impulse or feeling, and we deny it’s presence within us.”
It took me facing hard truths and “cleaning up” every single area of my life that denying existed to finally deserve the success I wanted.
The moment I realized this hard truth it changed my life forever.
I admitted all the things I needed to clean up and made a list one by one and began chipping away at it every single day.
Make a list of all the areas of your life from finances, health, wealth, relationships, habits and search for destructive things you’re ignoring or denying. This is what people mean when they say “sweeping under the rug”.
Those things you’re denying are holding you back, and the moment you face those things and begin cleaning them out, they dissolve. This universal law is scary and is likely the best thing you can begin doing right now. It takes most people hitting rock bottom to realize this eternal truth in existing, don’t let that be you.
This is the key to the clear mind and winning subconscious that doesn’t block us from deserving success, living in denial is the #1 blocker of it.
Give up your denial.
9. Give Up Your Avoidance
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” — Khalil Gibran
Personal development and happiness happens on the other side of facing painful truths and you won’t deserve the success you need to be happy until you stop avoiding those painful truths.
This may be the most powerful one and I’m living proof.
For years, I avoided the painful truth that I had horrible spending habits.
“But I’m investing in myself.”
“But I’ll focus on making more.”
Lies I’d tell to avoid the discipline required to stick to a budget and save for the long term.
There’s a difference between investing in yourself and not spending within a budget.
How you do anything is how you do everything, and if you’re not in control of one thing, you’re out of control in everything.
Make a list of things you’re avoiding and take them head on today.
Facing the pain head on will free you more than anything you can ever do.
Give up your avoidance.
10. Give Up Your Lying
“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” — James Faust
Lying is a lazy way out that doesn’t do you or the person you’re lying to any favors.
Yes, it’s easier to save face and feelings but change and growth is on the other side of hard truths and uncomfortable conversations.
This is hard, because it takes changing your personality to change your identity, to someone who may be perceived as insensitive.
The best leaders tell the truth for constructive growth.
Don’t react to adapt to other people’s frame. Rather, take the time to listen and be proactive with a response. If you’re not ready to respond, make it a habit to say you need to think about it.
This is an exercise that takes time and it’s hard to control other people’s perception. It very may well mean they misunderstand you or dislike you moving forward.
Being comfortable with that discomfort is what differentiates the best from the rest.
Give up your lying.
11. Give Up Your Righteous Indignation
“I realized that my righteous indignation was a form of entertainment for me. I loved getting pissed off at injustice. I didn’t do anything about it, I just liked the feeling of being pissed off.” — Harold Ramis
Being right doesn’t mean you’re being productive or moving any closer to a solution. You’re just right. Now what?
Whenever you have an ethical or moral high ground and feel you’re rightfully superior to someone else, recognize it’s just ego feeling good about itself and doesn’t get you anywhere. Then ask “what progress do I want from this situation and what question will help me discover it”.
Do that and you’ll learn and be productive.
Give up your righteous indignation.
12. Give Up Your Judgements
“What you judge in others is a reflection of your own fear and perceived shortcomings. In a nutshell, you judge what you hate about yourself so remember that next time you judge someone.” — Herman Hesse
Anytime you have a judgement about something, put a mirror up to it and consider why you’ve made that judgement.
If you’re constantly judging others, you’ll be stuck in fear of being judged so it will be hard to do or say anything that risks judgement.
And anything that doesn’t risk judgement isn’t worth doing.
When you catch yourself judging something or someone, ask yourself: “what wound am I trying to heal by judging this person?” or “what am I fearing that’s causing me to judge this person?”
Then let go of those feelings of fear.
Forgive those who have wronged you, for if you don’t, you’ll always be in fear of being judged.
Rinse and repeat these habits until you never judge anyone again.
If your happiness comes from doing great things, you’ll need to openly share your ideas with the world.
If you are in fear of judgement, you won’t. And if you’re constantly judging everything and everyone, you’ll be in fear of judgement.
Give up your judgements.
13. Give Up Your Envy
“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life: they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” — Gretchen Rubin
Envy is often triggered by something that someone else has, that you don’t.
This is your ego coming from a state of lack — every time you unexpectedly compare yourself to others and feel envy (it’s natural so don’t’ worry!) stop and think it’s not you but your ego that’s feeling it, and let it go and celebrate their success. This is the minimum level of consciousness required to be happy. Trade it in for a state of abundance and rise to the level of success you’re envying.
Remember, you are not what you think you are. You are what you think other people think you are. So if you are envious of others, you likely believe they think you’re small.
As consciousness legend Dr. David Hawkins says: “people simply mirror back your internal belief systems and can feel what you think about them”. This is why intuition exists, because thoughts are physical and can be felt.
Make it a habit to focus on celebrating other people’s success so they’ll celebrate you.
Give up your envy.
14. Give Up Your Glamour
“Whatever happens in the world is real, what one thinks should have happened is projection. We suffer more from our fictitious illusion and expectations of reality.” — Jacque Fresco
Glamour is a projection that comes from missing something — and an underlying feeling of fear or low self-esteem is often the cause.
This is why hot and sexy ads work so much.
“I want to be that” says the monkey mind of the man looking at the ripped cowboy.
“I am like her” says the monkey mind of the women who spends $5,000 on a dress.
You can still buy the $5,000 dress but decide to exchange glamour for excellence.
- Taste in exchange for fashion.
- Excellence in exchange for ambition.
- Power instead of Force.
The differences are subtle but profound.
Anytime you see something that’s missing from your life, and see yourself projecting glamour onto that thing, stop and recognize that the end thing you want to fulfill is an internal feeling you can possess now— and remember, until you’ve arrived at a place where you can live happily without that thing, you likely don’t deserve it.
This is why the best entrepreneurs don’t care about money and the best artists don’t care about fame.
Whether they’re back in the garage building the company or making the music (and they often find that riveting early days more fun and fulfilling), they’re perfectly fine with either.
Rest assured, they aren’t sitting their projecting the future life of glamour. And if they are (they often do in the early days), they quickly learn it’s the wrong reason to do anything and they stop doing what they’re doing until they find something that drives them without the need for glamour.
Give up your glamour.
15. Give Up Your Suffering
“What really raises one’s indignation against suffering is not suffering intrinsically, but the senselessness of suffering.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Pain directly caused is a fact. Look it dead in the eye and don’t avoid it. The suffering it creates in the short and long term is the story you tell yourself.
Take ownership in the beautiful fact that you actually like suffering because of the pity you get to feel each time you tell yourself a sob story.
Anytime you get triggered to suffer. Stop and recall that how you respond to a feeling is up to you.
Give up your suffering.
16. Give Up Your Baggage
“I don’t go back and listen to my old music. I believe in closing chapters and moving forward. That’s what gives me peace.” — A.R. Rahman
Let go of things that happened in the past and let go of the feelings they generate.
As Dr. David Hawkins says: “to find the solution to a problem, look for the feeling behind the problem and let it go. The answer will then reveal itself.”
There’s no need to drudge up the unconscious past to find happiness and peace.
Make it a habit to look forward to being “out with the old” and “in with the new”.
Make it your habit to choose to evolve and grow. When old relationships are no longer serving you, it’s a sign you’ve evolved. Look forward to the new relationships rather than dwell on the old ones.
Everything that’s happened to you is a part of your story and journey to become the best version of yourself. It’s up to you how fast.
Give up your baggage.
17. Give Up Your Low Standards
“How you do tiny things is the reflection of your current results of the big things in your life right now.”-Me
What results have you achieved up till now?
Now, how well do you make your bed every morning?
I’d bet my life the quality of time and effort you put into your bed will match the results you’ve achieved up till now.
This quote was inspired by me only a few days ago based on the simple and profound principle of “how you do anything is how you do everything”.
As I applied this principle to everything I did just recently, I’ve taken it one step further.
It’s the standards we uphold in everything we do that allow goals come to fruition and being able to see return on our effort is required to be happy.
It’s so easy to let our standards slip — so easy. So look for inches where you can cut your down side anywhere and everywhere you can.
How close do you watch your finances?
- How clean is your mind?
- How clean is your desk?
- How many tabs do you have open on your desk top while you work?
A clean mind is the result and required — and it comes from closing the little open loops that are eating away at it.
Make your bed as though your biggest goals depend on it.
Track your money as though your biggest goals depend on it.
Do every tiny thing as though your biggest goals depend on it.
Because they do.
As you become a master of those things, you’ll become a master at everything.
Give up your low standards.
18. Give Up Your Attachments
“Things are as they are. We suffer because we imagined different.” — Anonymous
Similarly, the Buddha said “attachment is the source of all suffering”.
What we attach to, we push away. What we detach from, get’s attracted to us.
This universal law applies to everything from relationships to goals. It’s the detached quality of our present moment that determines the quality of our action.
The sprinter who doesn’t attach to winning the race, and focuses on his mind.
The girlfriend who attaches to her boyfriend and pushes him away in the process.
Make a list of all the things you want, and detach your happiness from them.
Decide you’ll be happy whether or not they happen, and focus on improving your vitality and resilience.
That is the happy state and growth mindset required to achieve what you want and enjoy the journey.
Give up your attachments.
19. Give Up Your Mainstream News
“The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.” — Thomas Jefferson
Mainstream news is engineered for eyeballs and 99% of it doesn’t directly affect you.
As Dr. Stephen Covey wrote in his book the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there are Circles of Concern and Circles of Control, and mainstream news falls within our Circle of Concern which don’t affect you but take up time and energy.
Circles of Control are things you have direct control over or deeply care about and/or are applicable to your daily life — that news is what matters.
Unless something has a direct impact on you, knowing it is meaningless.
If you think you “need to know” something. Ask yourself why five times.
You’ll figure out quickly the underlying fear or motive to know whatever it is you think you need to know — and will quickly realize you don’t need to know it.
Give up your mainstream news.
20. Give Up Your Excuses
“There’s no rush thing as a lack of resources in this abundant world, only a lack of resourcefulness.” — Tony Robbins
There’s so much access to money, free tools and access to anyone out today that there’s never been a better time to do anything.
“Connections” as we know them are bunk.
Excuses do nothing but hold you back.
Excuses are inspired by fear.
Anytime you make an excuse, ask yourself: “what fear underlies this excuse?”. Let go of the fear and the solution to your excuse will reveal itself.
Give up your excuses.
21. Give Up Your Fear Of Judgement
“If you judge a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” — Herman Hesse
I used to be scared to hit publish from the responses and comments readers would or wouldn’t have. It used to be the biggest deal in the world to share an article on social media. I was so far from being able to do it.
It was because I was always judging everything and everyone and what they did.
When I got over it and began publishing, I learned it is so difficult to even notice your work much less care about it.
Decide you’ll never judge anything or anyone for doing anything ever again. Anytime you do, remind yourself that you’re only making what you hate in yourself more a part of who you are. Instead, let it go.
This is the beginning of the freedom to do anything worth judging, which is the beginning of doing something great.
Give up your fear of judgements.
22. Give Up Your Greed
“Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.” Erich Fromm
Greed comes from a place of lack, exchange it with earning through excellence and your present moment state of existence will change to one of satisfied contentment.
Remember, it’s the quality in your journey’s pursuit that matters more than anything. Why not be satisfied and content while you strive for goals instead of stressed and lacking?
People who get things detach from actually having them and know they will receive them when the time is right.
In that state, they act and feel as though they already possess what they want.
That is true abundance and the inner state of abundance makes us attractive to ourselves and others which makes us feel happy.
Give up your greed.
23. Give Up Your Clinging
“What you resist, persists. What you fight you make stronger.” — Eckart Tolle
Clinging pushes people away whether they know it or not.
Remember as Dr. David Hawkins has concluded: “People simply mirror back your internal belief systems.”
When you’re clinging to anything, you’re belief system is small and lacking and people and things mirror that right back to you.
You’re basically asking for the thing you want.
A friend of mine recently said he wished his girlfriend went to bed earlier like he did and that he’s trying to get her to change that habit. I told him the way he makes that happen is by letting go of it, and giving her space to want to go to bed earlier. The more he clings to it, the more she’ll resist. This often happens unconsciously whether we know it or not.
This is true in any application.
Next time you want something to happen, try letting go and being at peace with whatever happens and watch what results.
It’s a universal law.
Give up your clinging.
24. Give Up Your Comparison
“Comparison is an act of violence committed against one’s self.” — Clyde Lee Dennis
Have you ever wondered why you feel worse the more time you spend on social media?
We’re social creatures of networks who cooperate in large numbers, and have evolved to very often members of
When we compare ourselves to others who
There’s no tangible reason to care about what others are doing unless you’re celebrating them or learning from them.
University of Michigan psychologist Ethon Kross did a study on adults that concluded Facebook makes us sadder and less satisfied the more we’re on it.
Give up your comparison.
25. Give Up Your Envy
“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life: they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” — Gretchen Rubin
Envy is often triggered by something that someone else has that you’re lacking.
Instead of fantasizing about what someone else has, focus on your own goals to improve and get better.
There will always be someone with something you don’t have no matter what-whether you’re a billionaire, millionaire or have a few hundred dollars in your account.
Elon Musk could sit back and focus on how Jeff Bezos also launched a rocket but he doesn’t. He focuses on building his own rockets as best as he can. If your neighbor next door has a nicer car than you, being envious isn’t productive. Genuinely celebrate them for any success. This is not to say you can’t also practice competition, but it’s how you compete and what you focus on that matters. Competing by improving yourself, and measuring your results and using others as objective benchmarks to compare is different than being envious.
Next time you catch yourself being envious, remember it’s triggering a suppressed feeling of lack through fear. Relinquish that fear and remember that getting what you want and how you feel about it is in your control. Set a new goal (perhaps for that thing) and start getting to work toward it.
For being envious isn’t productive at all.
Give up your envy.
Conclusion
Life is a series of moments and events we react to in the present.
It’s up to us to own the quality of those moments.
The greatest thinkers of our time prescribe radical ownership for how we react to those moments and that living with vitality and the resilience you build determines how happy your life is.
Epictetus said “it’s not what happens to you, but how you react that matters”.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said: “How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours.”
Charles Swindoll said “life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”.
Master how you react to things — so they’re in your favor — the purpose of your life.
Give up these twenty five things and make them irrefutable standards moving forward.
Because you never live up to who you dream of becoming, rather, you become the lowest possible standard you’re willing to accept.
Decide you’ll accept nothing less than being happy and every time you become unhappy remember it’s a state of mind that will eventually pass if you keep working on it.
