As humans, we are quite adept at adapting our lives to different situations. We were cold so we created fire. We were naked so we created clothing.
But tell a human to change something trivial, such as where they are not allowed to park anymore, and said human will resort to acting like our evolutionary predecessors.
That’s right, they go ape-sh*t crazy.
On a deeper level, we can all relate to wanting to share life-changing experiences with our friends and family without trying to impose on their beliefs or sound judgmental.
People can change, they just don’t want to be told they need to change.
So without dropping passive aggressive hints, how do we coax our loved ones away from their static existence and into a more dynamic one?
We have to set an example.
Motivation is a powerful force, but so few of us know how to harness it.
However, to truly become a motivational figure in the lives of our inner circle, you don’t need extraordinary skills.
Instead, try out these three ordinary methods for size.
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” — May Sarton
Do you know your talents, values, and purpose?
If you aren’t aware of your inner workings, what front are you putting up for others? Because most likely it’s contrived.
Being authentic isn’t about being real and vulnerable. It’s about manifesting your actions in such a way that no one can mistake what’s written on your soul.
Authenticity steps from self-awareness, but more importantly, it thrives on the bravery of men and women who refuse to conform to a mold.
These people inspire others with their lives. They motivate others to be more.
You can’t learn to be authentic, you just have to be.
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” — Epictetus
Do you know how hard it is for me to listen to someone else without formulating my perfect response while they talk?
Ask my wife. She calls me out on it almost every day.
To motivate others we must first understand what others are looking for.
It means listening to what they say when they speak to us.
It means turning off our auto responses (“Hey, how are you?” “I’m good, how about you?”).
It means paying attention to another person’s demeanor, vibe, and mood.
It means asking definitive questions, and not giving generic advice.
If you aren’t naturally a good listener, here are some easy ways you can boost your skills:
- Pretend you are going to tell someone about this conversation later (automatically makes you more aware)
- Maintain eye contact, if that makes you uncomfortable, look at the spot between their eyes (it’s a lot easier)
- Turn your phone on silent, turn off your TV or other devices in the area
- Take what a person gives you and summarize it back to them (“So if I’m understanding this correctly, you’re saying…”)
- Ask questions, don’t assume anything
- Go for a walk together (yes, this actually works)
- Be honest if you are confused or don’t know what’s the purpose of the conversation
Don’t tell a story, BE the story
“No, no! The adventures first, explanations take such a dreadful time.” — Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
Telling someone that they should leave their job for a riskier, yet more fulfilling opportunity is not as effective if you haven’t lived through the experience.
We can either give generic motivational advice, or live an adventure and share our story.
Can you venture a guess as to which one is more effective?
For this there are no simple 7 tips for you to follow. To have a story to tell one must radically live their life.
Do you take risks to learn from the experience?
Do you seek ways to pull yourself outside of your comfort zone?
Do you chase dreams to build a life you want?
If yes, then share your story. If not, what are you waiting for?
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Hey there, I’m Declan. I can’t promise I’ll motivate you to become a better version of yourself, but if you download my Goal-Getter’s Self-Audit Workbook I can promise you’ll have a head-start over those who don’t. Download your workbook here.