3 Ways To Cultivate Powerful Presence With Others
Recognising A Hidden Quality
“Presence stems from believing in and trusting yourself — your real, honest feelings, values, and abilities.” — Amy Cuddy, Presence
What is this elusive quality called presence people desire?
Firstly, let’s define presence.
You may have attended a social gathering and met those who exuded a mysterious quality. It may have been an attractive feature, a distinguished grace or a peaceful nature which you are drawn to.
It is something elusive you are unable to describe, yet you feel powerfully drawn to them. They are comfortable in their surroundings and move about as if floating on thin air, while exuding an unmistakable charm.
People with presence have an inner radiance and are comfortable within themselves. They seldom walk or move in haste. Their gestures are timed and controlled, as if rehearsed. They rarely seek approval, yet others seek their approval.
I’ve witnessed many people exude presence and upon reflection, they are genuine in many ways.
So how is presence created?
Why would you want presence, anyway?
I’m glad you asked.
Presence is the outward reflection of your inner world. It advises others you are in command of your life.
People fall into one of two categories — leaders or followers. If you are a leader, you are fortunate to inspire others and help them bring out the best in themselves. As a follower, you are privy to being the recipient of such leadership.
There is nothing wrong being a follower, let’s make that distinction. I’ve looked up to several great leaders in the past, all of whom I refer to as secondary mentors.
Psychologists suggest that when you recognise a quality in another person you admire, you already possess that quality within yourself. So presence is recognising a hidden quality which seeks expression.
Below are three qualities for creating powerful presence with others. It takes time and patience to create presence. It cannot be rushed any more than nurturing a child.
Presence finds its own level like water filling a bath tub.
1. Know Yourself
“Through self-nudges, small tweaks in our body language and mind-sets, we can achieve presence.” — Amy Cuddy, Presence
To know yourself, you discover who you really are beyond your likes and dislikes. You appreciate your talents, flaws, genius and magnificence. For example if you are shy, cultivating presence may be more challenging than an extrovert.
Identifying your shyness might involve a commitment to developing your inner leader and allowing your true self to shine.
I’m not advocating shy people are socially inept. I’m suggesting shyness and leadership may not be conducive to one another, though not always.
As someone who speaks on stage, I am shy when I meet people in social settings for the first time, not in front of an audience. I am more relaxed these days and comfortable with the person I am interact with. This has taken a great deal of commitment from my part to step out of my comfort zone.
2. Presence Arises In The Moment
“The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” — Epictetus
Presence occurs when you are grounded in the present moment. You cannot simply get out of bed in the morning and turn on presence. Actors, models and singers might, though I assure you they retreat into silence the moment they are away from the attention.
The key to gaining presence is being receptive in the moment. Detach from fear and anxiety which helps you recognise opportunities around you. When your attention is focussed on the here and now especially in your interactions with others, you give them your undivided attention which can be felt.
It is said that Bill Clinton exudes charm and presence when meeting people because he takes the time to really connect with them. He greets them with a warm handshake and locks eye contact while nodding and listening receptively to the other person. These are the types of qualities that cultivate presence.
3. Self-Awareness and Inner Wisdom
“We convince by our presence.” — Walt Whitman
Self-awareness and inner wisdom means accessing your inner teacher. You may have sensed moments where you are called to take action. A quiet whisper echoing from within.
You may have acted in that instance with no prior knowledge of the situation. Perhaps you find yourself in a strange place, meeting someone random and oblivious to how you got there. You may dial the wrong number and wind up speaking to someone you haven’t spoken to for years.
These are situations when you access your inner wisdom, otherwise known as intuition. This wisdom knows no bounds nor limitations, yet has the answers to your questions.
When working with this knowledge, you access a greater intelligence waiting to be revealed. As you become adept to drawing on your inner wisdom, others see the beauty emanating from your soul nature. You become the lighthouse others are attracted to.
So, strive to incorporate these aspects into your life and be being patient if it takes time to develop presence.
Don’t be surprised if you make mistakes since you’re not attached to outcomes. Cultivating presence is a process of being aware of yourself foremost and your interactions with others. More importantly, you are receptive to the interaction and remain grounded in the present moment instead of wanting to be somewhere else.
It is these qualities that foster a strong presence that can be intuited or felt by others, even if they find it difficult to measure.
