4 Tips to Defeat Your Inner Enemy and Reach Your Full Potential
Most people suspect they could live a completely different life from the one they’re now living. In this other life their days are joyful. They’re more confident, they take more risks, the things they do feel more meaningful. It’s as if — in this alternate existence — they’ve plugged into a different kind of energy, an energy that makes anything seem possible.
What they suspect is true. This energy is real and it has the power to change lives. We call it the life force. It’s the great prize of the universe — immortal, unstoppable, endlessly creative.
Most of us have experienced the life force in some way. You may have felt it at the birth of a child. It might have emerged as an urge to play an instrument that you gave up when you were younger. Maybe you were stuck on something you were writing and suddenly the solution came to you out of nowhere. Or perhaps you felt a dizzying grace when members of your family treated each other with love.
There are an endless number of examples, each one reflecting the guiding, creating, infinitely nurturing qualities of the life force.
The most significant use of the life force is that it allows each of us to put our stamp on the world, to give it something that is uniquely our own. It doesn’t matter if it’s something huge and public or something humble and private, as long as it’s meaningful to you. When you use the life force in this way, you feel fully alive.
Being unable to solve your personal problems isn’t an indicator of lack of potential. It’s a sign that a powerful adversary is blocking your access to the life force. We call that inner enemy Part X. It’s called “X” because it X’s out your potential. And it’s called “Part” X because it’s only part of you — there are other parts that can fight back.
But to fight back, you’re going to need to understand the four most common strategies Part X uses to defeat you and drain your life force.
1. Part X floods you with impulses.
Almost everyone in our society experiences some kind of impulse they can’t control. You might overeat, compulsively update your Facebook page, or overreact when someone disses you.
No one indulgence will destroy your life. But that’s what’s so insidious about Part X. By getting you to give in to one “harmless” urge after another, drip-by-drip it drains you of the energy you need to create the kind of future you aspire to. Your life becomes about self-gratification, rather than about fulfilling your inner potential.
The next time you have any kind of self-defeating urge — to reach for ice cream or potato chips, check your email, lose your temper, etc., do not give into these impulses. Instead, turn inward. At first, all you’ll find is a vast emptiness; a void you’ve always tried to fill with things in the outside world. But if you’re patient, you’ll find an unexpected source of abundance arising from within the void. Over time, by filling yourself up from the inside, your whole relationship with the outside world will change: you’ll be able to bring something to the world, rather than trying to extract something from it.
2. Part X convinces you to disengage from the world.
Creating the future you want takes a lot of energy. Without it, your goals feel impossible. The amount of energy you have depends on your relationship with the world. You create energy when you engage with the world, and you destroy energy when you withdraw from the world.
Happiness is the product of pursuing what’s most meaningful to you with complete commitment. If you lack the energy to pursue this goal happiness is impossible. Have you ever met a happy person who can’t get off the couch and engage with the world?
The reality is that we all have access to an infinite source of energy. Life’s energy comes from meeting, not disengaging from, the demands of life. If you lean into these demands instead of trying to hide from them you’ll notice you become filled with the power to continue meeting life’s demands, even when you’re overwhelmed or feel you can’t.
3. Part X gets you to give up in the face of setbacks.
When you want something with all your heart — to get into the college of your choice, to have a book accepted by a publisher, to start a thriving business — it’s natural to feel defeated when you face a setback. What Part X does it convert the disappointment into an all-pervading darkness that smothers every part of your life, a deep hole that feels impossible to climb out of.
When you give in to despair, you destroy your ability to create the kind of future you want. Your answer to everything becomes “Why bother?” To pull yourself out, you must create hope out of despair. You must train yourself to be resilient — bounce back from any defeat, no matter how great. There’s something paradoxical about this power — you don’t learn it when things are going well; you learn it when the outside world disappoints you. That’s ultimately why the world knocks you down — to train you to get back up again.
4. Part X stops you from recovering when you are “wronged.”
When someone hurts or wrongs you, Part X floods you with injured feelings that are so strong you can’t remain open or vulnerable; you can no longer give life your all. Instead of recovering, you “reinjure yourself” — replaying what happened over and over again.
You get a booby prize for doing this — the self-righteous certainty that whatever happened shouldn’t have happened. If you stay in this “victim” state too long, you stop taking the emotional and creative risks that are essential to living a full life. In the long run, you lose relationships and opportunities, and live a timid life.
There’s only one solution: you must learn to die an emotional death and accept all the hurt feelings into your heart. Your heart has the power to be reborn and participate in life without the booby prize of self-righteous certainty.
This is a new mindset for most of us. We’re used to seeing a world full of death, disharmony, and greed, a world where our deepest dreams seem impossible. But when you look between the cracks of dull, meaningless experience, you can always find the places where life breaks through and inspires you. You’re left with a rising, bursting energy that has no limits.
When you’re being carried by that wave, you’ll find yourself able to put aside personal goals in the service of a higher mission. This state of selflessness makes you a better conduit. And as it does, you heal the world.
Barry Michels and Phil Stutz are the authors of Coming Alive: 4 Tools to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression and Unleash Your Soul’s Potential and The Tools: 5 Tools to Help You Find Courage, Creativity, and Willpower — and Inspire You to Live Life in Forward Motion, a New York Times bestseller. Referred to as “the most sought-after shrinks in Hollywood” by Lawrence O’Donnell and “an open secret in Hollywood” by the New Yorker, Barry and Phil’s client list includes top writers, actors, producers, CEOs, and other creatives.
