Balancing Brains, Beauty, Boobs & Booty

“I like being a woman, even in a man’s world. After all, men can’t wear dresses, but we can wear the pants.” — Whitney Houston

I’ve always been “one of the guys”. Over the years, my male friends outnumber my female friends by far. Some of my closest guy friends are privy to some of my darkest secrets. The best of them treat me as an equal and talk to me about everything: their frustrations at work, vulnerabilities, relationships and porn.

Nevertheless, being a woman in tech has not been a cake walk. As an engineer, I got used to being the only woman in teams and meetings quite early in my career. Addressing hundreds of the most egotistic male population on the planet? I’ve been there!

No doubt, I’ve seen my share of gender biases, subtle and deliberate. I’m not about to list all my anecdotes — there are plenty of women and men that have written about theirs — and my own experiences are somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.

I write this instead to inspire women in STEM to navigate the man’s world we still are in with the confidence and respect we deserve.

Forget that you are a woman. Gender should have no place in our minds as we navigate this world.

If you were to take away only one thing, it is this. Approach the world without a self-bias and the world will be forced to interact with you on a level playing field.

You are as good as the person next to you. Often better. So, when you have something to say, just say it!

Don’t let uncertainty or fear take over when you want to express yourself. Know that your colleagues are often just as uncertain as you are.

While speaking to an audience, assume no one in the audience knows as much as you do on the topic!

Okay, this is part arrogance and part ignorance. But it works like a charm in spiking your confidence and ultimately winning your audience! It’s a little secret my father taught me when I was taking the stage to perform at the tender age of six. Every time I’ve applied it, I’ve delivered a killer performance! And every time I’ve let insecurity or fear take over, I’ve failed!

Feel and act equal. Look people in the eye even when they may be looking at your boobs!

There is nothing that communicates equality like eye contact. The men in the room will eventually return the gesture or at least look away from your boobs when they realize you are not going to give up.

Don’t let subliminal biases from people around you impact who you are!

This is often hard and requires us to be a bigger person. But, the minute we let ourselves be impacted by people’s biases, we get victimized. Recognize the subliminal biases — feel free to work towards solutions that can address these biases, but never let yourself be swayed by it!

I watched a room full of senior executives at Qualcomm discuss how their wives quit working and gave up their careers when they had kids, while I was nine months pregnant with my second child. Rather than let it upset me, I worked harder. I didn’t miss a beat in the 6 weeks I was away — even if it took catching up and typing emails at 2am as I pumped breast milk!

Help other women. Be genuine. Recall that you were once in their shoes.

When it comes to women helping women, there is so much talk and so little action! In the name of helping, some successful women take the stage in conferences and yak away about what brought them success. But, very few of them take the time to actually listen and help.

For example, I was utterly disappointed by Google’s International Women’s Day Summit last year. After doling out some high flying advice, the supposedly successful women all left, leaving the aspiring women in the room to socialize amongst themselves and share sob stories! I could watch motivational lectures online if I wanted to …

To the women in STEM or aspiring to be in STEM, I know it can be overwhelming sometimes. I know you’d want to give up sometimes. Just let it pass and you’ll discover your inner strength.

If you are a woman just graduating from college and need to talk to someone about your career choices or if you are a woman in tech who just wants a sounding board, feel free to reach out to me at vidya<at>thesilverlabs<dot>com.

Wait, one last thing I need to ask of you — don’t forget hitting that heart on your way out!