Handouts Aren’t For People Like Richard Branson, Warren Buffet, or Leonard Kim — Communicating Up Is More Than Meets The Eye.
As a writer and speaker, I come across many situations where I have to interact with others. Some days, I’m talking to people who are far more successful than I am. Other days, people are turning to me for advice.
Luckily, being the Ginger I am, most of the time, I am able to charm my way into the presence of people who are far more successful than I am. Most recently, I met with two of the most successful people from Silicon Valley, Steve Blank and Eric Ries.
Getting people of this caliber to share their time with you can be quite difficult. It often takes skill and precision. Luckily, I had the opportunity to meet with these two legends in person.
On the other hand, reaching out to a high profile person through the Internet is the most common way we try to connect with others.
I met with Leonard Kim a few months ago at the legendary Keith Ferrazzi’s house. Leonard has been featured in a variety of publications, such as Inc., Forbes and many others. He is a strategist who runs training courses on how to build (both personal and business) brands at InfluenceTree, works with many high caliber people, and is on the payroll at USC.
Leonard recently shared a conversation with me where a 24 year old woman by the name of Sophia tried to reach out to him. With great detail, he helped me translate each line of the conversation to show exactly what she did wrong, then provided an outline on what she could have done better.
We ended up with the ultimate outline on how to network with and connect with anyone, by avoiding these key amateur mistakes.
This is the conversation that someone, let’s call her Sophia X, had with Leonard Kim on Facebook, with translations included:
Friday. From Sophia to Leonard:
Hi Leonard! My name is Sophia X.
Translation: (I’m going to introduce myself)
My boyfriend and I are new to the city of Cerritos!
Translation: (This means I don’t want you to hit on me)
We just opened a new 7000 square foot office in Lakewood as an expansion from our previous office.
Translation: (We didn’t really have a previous office, but we joined an MLM company and invested like $1,000 and they bought an office, but you know, we’re cool so we’re going to call it our own)
I’m looking to build a few more quality individuals and make a difference in people’s lives.
Translation: (I need to recruit people in my industry so my paycheck grows so I want you to join my team)
No guarantees on the fit, but are you open to an opportunity?
Translation: (Everyone can technically grow, but I’m going to toss in this fit question because it makes it sound like I’m taking it away)
Saturday. From Leonard to Sophia:
Hi Sophia,
Welcome to Cerritos!
Translation: (How is this a building rapport with me? I live in LA, not Cerritos. Why do I care?)
Honestly, I get paid really well and I have amazing benefits, so I’m quite happy with my position.
Translation: (My job is really great. I only have to work 8 hours and when I’m off work, I get to go home. Freaking awesome stuff. Well, asides from the consulting and other projects I work on that take up an additional 40 hours a week)
I’m only interested in offers with a $300,000 sign on bonus, full health benefits covered (PPO and above only, including dental paid in advance for 50 years), a VUL life policy at a bare minimum of $1 million, covered in full at sign on, cancer, long term care, hospital and all other insurances covered in full, plus I refuse to work on commission or profit anymore, so I would require an absolute minimum of a $250,000 a year salary.
Translation: (If I were to get a degree at my job and had two future kids get degrees, that is a total savings of $480,000, plus all the additional benefits that working with a university comes with. My job will give me $50,000 towards buying a house. I get 10% of my income donated into a 403b. A PPO for someone who is “Self Employed” is at a bare minimum $600 a month, but for a top tiered provider, probably much more. I have five times my income in life insurance. I’m also considered an expert at what I do at work, so I’m on track to getting annual raises without a problem. I’m not passing that up without a huge back up plan or a much better opportunity, and if you want to take me away from what I’m doing, you need to offer me something much better)
I’d love to speak further, but only if you can fit those qualifications. Thank you for your consideration.
Translation: (Why in the world are you wasting my time? I know you don’t have anything to back your claims)
Sunday. From Sophia to Leonard:
Thank you! I’m in business myself and I don’t believe in handouts.
Translation: (I can’t afford you, so I’m going to offend you)
If you’re happy with your current position then I have no intentions of changing that.
Translation: (I never had a job to offer you in the first place)
However What I can say is I’m able to help supplement your income if you’re a good fit.
Translation: (I wanted you to join my MLM company but I’m too embarrassed to name the company up front so I’m going to beat around the bush)
Allow me to stretch your vision.
Translation: (I’m going to use a cheesy sales line to the person who has a been doing sales nearly their entire life, because that would be cool to do I suppose)
If you’re a good fit within our firm, I’m able to hands-on develop you into a senior broker making north of a quarter million dollars.
Translation: (I’m going to make claims as if I can actually do something… But, seriously… hands on develop you into a senior broker? I couldn’t even afford to offer to take you out to one measly dinner at Boa)
So with the money being right and it fitting into your current schedule, are you open to supplementing your income?
Translation: (I’m going to only assess one side of the need, the money, which honestly doesn’t have any value at all since people can make money anywhere, but I’m going to try to book your time even though you actually charge for people to talk to you and filter off requests each day)
Sunday. Leonard to Sophia:
Handouts?
Translation: (Thanks for insulting me, who in the world do you think you are? By the way, you probably don’t know this, but your upline in your MLM and their upline and their upline probably had a sign on bonus that was quite similar to the one I asked for, so you do have the capabilities to pull that kind of cash, but you’re just too lazy to do the research to find out who you need to talk to in order to make it happen, nor do you actually know how to get it)
It’s called supplementing what I give up by going from what I’m doing to what you’re doing.
Translation: (Someone’s never heard of actual headhunting before, so that clearly states you have little to no experience doing what you do)
North of a quarter million dollars?
Translation: (What a joke)
Most of my network consists of millionaires…
Translation: (I’m very offended that you really didn’t take the time to look into who I was, or who my network consisted of, based on my write ups… If money mattered to me that much, then why would I need to be searching for an opportunity, when opportunity is around me all the time?)
I don’t think you know who you’re actually speaking with, so we have nothing further to discuss.
Translation: (When people message me, more often than not, they include a monetary value for the amount of time they want to take up. A person in London I have a call with on Sunday is giving me $250 to talk to me for 30 minutes of my time. I don’t have your home address so I can’t bill you for wasting my time, so stop talking to me…)
Sunday: Sophia to Leonard:
I’m not asking you to give up anything since we are talking about supplementing your schedule without sacrificing what you currently do.
Translation: (I just want you to join my MLM company)
Most of my network consists of millionaires as well, so I’m glad we both have great association.
Translation: (You made me feel belittled, so I’m going to find anything as a last resort so that I can have some ground to stand on)
However I can’t work with people that don’t know how to be humble and don’t understand that in every business you have to build your way up.
Translation: (I have zero to offer you, nor did I ever have anything to offer. I want your money, then I want to utilize your network, and for doing so, I want to pay you pennies on the dollar compared to what you can make elsewhere, but I will keep you enticed on the dreams of something bigger)
Being king in one industry doesn’t mean you can automatically be a king in a different industry.
Translation: (I am so offended, I have to back the fact that I’m good at what I do and say that you’re oblivious to various industries, even though if I had a quick glance at your LinkedIn profile, I could have seen that you worked at a real estate investment fund for a year back in 2008)
Everything takes hard work to build up.
Translation: (I have no real comeback)
So yes, I don’t give handouts.
Translation: (I had nothing of true value to offer in the first place)
I hope you’re in business and you don’t have a cap on your income, because in my business, you can make as much as you want.
Translation: (I’m going to sell myself back on my business because you just scarred my dream a bit)
Have a great day and good luck with future endeavors
Translation: (Let me try to save face a bit, but I’m pretty sure the conversation from here is done, so let me block the person I tried to communicate with)
—
What did Sophia do wrong?
- The bio on her Facebook profile was misleading, as it said “Entrepreneur at Business” instead of “MLM rep (or whatever title it is that they have)”
- Instead of following proper protocol and reaching out to Leonard by email (which he has listed on his website and all social media properties), she reached out to him on his personal facebook page.
- Sophia led the conversation with money, but didn’t have the money to back it up.
- Sophia didn’t do any real research on who Leonard is or try to connect with him in any way.
- Sophia didn’t properly build rapport, nor did she give Leonard a true reason to meet.
- Sophia tried to connect by stating she lived near Leonard and just moved to the area, but she used to live in Rosemead and Monterey Park, which are equally as far away from Los Angeles as Cerritos.
- When Leonard put what he wanted on the table to get his full dedication and give her access to his 100,000 social media followers, instead of doing the research on how to get it, Sophia decided to insult Leonard by saying he asks for handouts. In life, unless bullied or forced against their own will, people only get involved in win-win situations.
- Sophia turned argumentative and followed up with insults, then decided to block Leonard from Facebook.
So what could Sophia have done to instantaneously connect with Leonard, without creating all of the turmoil?
She could have emailed Leonard and stated the following:
Hi Leonard! My name is Sophia X.
Translation: (I’m going to introduce myself)
I have recently started reading your articles on Inc. (or Quora) and have been blown away by the insights. That story you did on May Busch and how she was able to go from Junior Analyst to COO of Morgan Stanley Europe was so inspiring! That tip about how to make use of your stereotypes helped me so much!
Translation: (I can relate to this article because I deal with the same stereotypes that May deals with. This also shows that I read your work)
Plus, your personal journey of turning your failures into a success connected with me. I have had some rough times in building my business, but your journey has inspired me to continue moving forward.
Translation: (I took the time to research you a bit and understand that you are someone worth having in my rolodex)
I’m working on a real estate project and I’m doing fairly decently at it right now. I saw that back in 2008, you used to work in real estate. As someone I look up to, I’d love to get your expert opinion on what I’m doing to see what I could do better.
Translation: (I read your LinkedIn profile and saw that you had prior experience in my industry)
I’d love to take you out to eat at Boa as compensation for your time.
Translation: (Look, I even took the time to figure out what your favorite restaurant is)
I can drive to you and even pick you up!
Translation: (I know your time is important and you normally charge a lot of money to talk with people, so I will try my best to make it as convenient for you as possible)
I know you’re busy and it’s tough to get time with you, but would Tuesday or Thursday next week work for you? If not, I can work around your schedule.
Translation: (I’m going to try to close a meeting, but leave it open ended because chances are you’re fully booked)
—
After reading both introductions, which one would you be more inclined to respond to? Do you think there were other mistakes that were overlooked? What could be done to make the final approach better? I’d love to hear your insights! Comment below!
#translation
