How To Be Happy Right Now

Practical techniques you can put to use right away

The best way to overcome our insatiable need of wanting more is to enjoy the things we already have.

Appreciating and enjoying what you have

Over time we tend to take for granted things we previously dreamed of. Everything from a car, or gadget, or job, to our house, and even our spouse and children. So many things we once thought would make our lives complete are eventually taken for granted as we adapt to the new normal and pursue the next desire. This pattern is called the hedonic treadmill and it is human nature.

Attaining things we want can’t bring enduring happiness because we always want more.

However, if you were to want the things you already have, you can have enduring happiness because by definition you always have… what you already have.

Even after we lose something, we still have what we have at any given moment.

If we can be happy with what we have versus we want then the happiness equation would turn upside down.

The obstacle to having this perspective is learning to actually want what we have, since it is not human nature to do so.

While we may never fully step off this hedonic treadmill, there are three techniques we can employ to slow it down, enjoy life a bit more, and be happier.

1. Negative Visualization

Whereas positive visualization is a good technique to help visualize attaining the things we may want such as hitting a free throw or giving a great presentation, negative visualization helps us appreciate the things we already have.

Rather than contemplating how much better life would be if you gained certain things, try thinking about how much worse things would be if you lost the things you already have. Your house, your family, friends, bank account, or your abilities to see, hear, walk, and stand up. Which of those do you currently take for granted?

On your commute home, imagine for a moment a tragedy has occurred at your house. Everything was stolen, or burned down, or worse… somebody you love was hurt. When you get home and find all is fine, you will be more likely to appreciate the items you thought might have been lost and more likely to appreciate the people in your life. If you are concerned such a negative thought would depress you, then fear not. You will actually feel more joy for things you would otherwise walk right right by, and you will energize the relationships you have been taking for granted.

Imagining that all is lost is a indeed dramatic, though not a bad exercise to do once in a while. You can also practice more narrow negative visualizations. For example, I enjoy photography and have collected a decent set of Canon L lenses. I could crave for whatever new lens I don’t have, or I could imagine for a moment that my 70–200mm f/2.8 lens was lost or broken. Since it’s not lost or broken, thinking so helps me appreciate the incredible lens that I already have rather than dwelling on the lens that I don’t. The negative thought experiment increases my joy because it helps me appreciate things closer to how I did when I first got them.

If you are out at a dinner with friends, consider for just a moment some of the negative things that could have happened leading up to your event, from a flat tire to a terrible car accident. But those things didn’t happen. You get to enjoy time with your friends and appreciate the moments that you have. Your food being late by 30 minutes becomes insignificant after considering all the far worse things that could have happened. You can appreciate just having a meal at all.

Negative visualizations helps you experience more joy and appreciate the things and people around you. Ironically, practicing negative visualization makes you a more joyful and positive person.

• Why use: To help appreciate the people and things in your life
• When to use: Use at random times of the week, perhaps while commuting or when your mind is wandering. Generally this should be a background thought process

2. Retrospective Negative Visualization

Similar to negative visualization but instead of imagining losing what you currently have, retrospective negative visualization is the practice of imagining alternative pasts in which you never had something in the first place.

Say my kids took my 70–200mm camera lens and smashed it while testing how gravity works from our treehouse. My natural response would be anger and perhaps even some anguish given how expensive of a lens it is. However, what if I chose to imagine in that moment that I never had the lens to begin with?

If I never had the lens in the first place then I would not have captured all those incredible memories with it over the years. Having captured those incredible memories makes me happy, so I can choose to appreciate how happy I should be for having the lens for as long as I did, rather then dwelling on the loss.

All things come to an end. It is better for one’s tranquility to appreciate the fact we enjoyed something while we did rather than focusing on not having it in the future.

Retrospective negative visualization allows us to replace feelings of remorse when losing something with feelings of gratitude for once having it at all.

• Why use: To get over losses, big or small, and to refocus on the future
• When to use: When something was lost or taken from you

3. Projective Visualization

Imagine if something “bad” that happened to you happened to somebody else. Perhaps your flight was delayed and you’re really about to lose it at the airport after a string of frustrations. Now imagine you were just sitting at home and one of your friend’s flight was delayed and they called you upset and angry. You would probably try to calm them down and let them know it is out of their control and they should just try to relax at the airport. You might, in your own tactful voice, let them know that there is no use getting upset about a delayed flight, especially since getting upset won’t make the flight appear any faster.

Yet when it happens to us, we may in turn wear the angry hat. So imagine for a moment that whatever happened to you occurred to somebody else. What would you advice them, and couldn’t you benefit from your own advice?

Many people have an easier time giving advice than following it themselves. Projective visualization is the technique of projecting your own issues as though they were happening to somebody else and then coming up with the advice you would give to that person.

When using projective visualization, your problems all of a sudden appear smaller and may begin to abate the emotional sting. If nothing else, you will have a better perspective on the proper way to react.

• Why use: To do away with excessive negative feelings caused by inconveniences and unwelcomed things happening to you
• When to use: When one or a series of events are causing you to lose tranquility

Part 2: Will this make me a less ambitious person?

If we use negative visualization to achieve greater gratitude for the things we already have, and further realize that attaining new things won’t make us happy, then what’s the point of doing anything? Would we suddenly become indolent?

Living in accordance with your nature

Animals pursue things such as food, a mate, and a certain degree of comfort. However, they don’t do it to be happy, they do it because it’s in their nature. Human nature may be more nuanced and complicated than other animals, but we are still part of nature and can act in accordance with it.

For some of us, our natural inclination is to build a business, to serve in the military, or to fight for a political movement. To others it’s to teach children, raise a family, be an artist, or live in total seclusion.

We ought to pursue whatever is in accordance with our own nature, not what we have rationalized to ourselves that we ought to do based on social expectations.

Nature provides us with our own direction

Mahatma Gandhi was probably not pursuing political independence for India because he thought that leading public civil disobedience would finally make him happy. Usain Bolt probably didn’t think that winning yet another 100m dash is what would make him happy. Gandhi led his people because that was in his nature. Usain Bolt sprinted because that was in his nature.

We don’t need to be a Gandhi or a Bolt to act within our nature, though their example shows us that people can achieve great and ambitious things without pursuing happiness as a goal.

Finding your nature brings out your best self

Michael Jordan never “burned out” of playing basketball despite working non-stop. Perhaps this was because he was living in accordance with his nature. Some investment bankers “burn out” because apparently being an investment banker was not in their nature.

Acting within your nature will keep you on a steady path no matter the challenges you face. Act outside of your nature and small frustration over enough time will compound and cause mental anguish.

How do we find what is in our nature?

We have probably all met people that are authentic, exciting, and living a sincere life. We know it when we see it. Even if we don’t know anyone like that now, we have certainly seen flashes of it in others, and probably even in ourselves.

It may be difficult to define what living in accordance to your nature is, but most of us recognize it when we see it. We therefore have a roadmap to figuring This out on our own. For any major exertion that we undertake, we can begin to ask ourselves if it felt aligned and natural or did it feel forced? And most importantly, which components of it felt that way and why?

I believe most of us know what comes naturally to us, even if we gave up our dreams of living that way long ago.

Accepting and acting in accordance with your nature

Our nature may be to work hard or it may be to not work at all. It may be to spend lots of time with our family or very little. It may be to pursue a leadership position and its burdens, or it may be to play more of a supporting role. Whatever it is, I believe we instinctively know this in ourselves, or at least knew it once — before we stopped paying attention.

Societal expectations override nature for many people, and we have been trained to listen to society’s voice as to what we should pursue over own. If tranquility is a priority, question why you’re doing what you do — is it in your nature, or is it simply what is expected of you?

In Summary

1. Appreciating what you have now is the best and perhaps the only way to be happy in the present.
2. Techniques to achieve this happiness include Negative Visualization, Retrospective Negative Visualization, and Projective Visualization.
3. Practice these techniques to build up your ability to enjoy more of your life.
4. Once you realize you don’t need anything outside of you to be happy, you can focus on how to act in accordance to your own nature rather then what others expect of you.

P.S For a deeper dive on this subject, I would recommend A Guide to the Good Life by William Irvine.