How to Increase Your Self-Belief So That Others Will Admire & Respect You
Belief is irresistible.
In his autobiography Shoe Dog, Phil Knight, the founder of Nike, mused about his sudden success when he first began selling shoes.
“I’d been unable to sell encyclopedias, and I’d despised it to boot. I’d been slightly better at selling mutual funds, but I’d felt dead inside. So why was selling shoes so different? Because, I realized, it wasn’t selling. I believed in running. People, sensing my belief, wanted some of that belief for themselves.”
When you sincerely believe in what you’re doing, you’ll get followers.
When you believe in yourself, you’ll get influence, attention, admiration, and respect.
Why? Self-belief is rare. As someone who struggles with anxiety and constant self-doubt, I’m drawn to the self-assured, focused individual. I want what they have.
When your build your self-belief, people will want what you want, and will want to help you get there.
The world will follow your lead.
Best-selling author James Altucher echoed this thought:
“The greater your own internal fire is, the more people will want it. They will ignite their own fires. They will try to light up their own dark caves. The universe will bend to you.”
How great is your internal fire?
Is your self-belief — your fire — a raging, mesmerizing inferno? Can people see it as soon as they meet you?
Or is your self-belief a small little flame, more smoke that fire? Is your fire almost out?
Do you wish your fire was stronger?
The world needs clarity. The world needs people like you to help give others clarity.
You can’t transmit something you haven’t got. If you want to help others — and gain their respect and admiration in the process — increase your self-belief.
When you increase your self-belief, others will come to you for help with their own confusion.
Want to Increase Self-Belief? Then Do This Immediately.
Everyone wants clarity…but how do you actually get it?
Write down these 6 questions on a piece of paper (don’t type, write them. The tactile exercise of writing will actually enhance your focus).
I feel most unhappy when I…
2. I dread …
3. I am good at but do not particularly enjoy…
4. I cannot imagine doing … every day for the rest of my life.
5. I don’t understand why anybody would…
6. … does not appeal to me.
Spend at least 20 minutes on this. Shoot for at least 5 answers for each question.
This isn’t about identifying what career you’re best suited for, or what your strengths are — that’s what personality tests are for.
No, this exercise is to find out one thing:
What do you wish to spend your time doing?
Once you know your preferences, you can move towards your purpose. But without knowing your values, you’ll never win the never-ending fight the world wages on you for your attention, energy, and money.
When Your Actions Align With Your Values, You Automatically Attract Respect & Admiration
“No matter how agreeable, how likable, or how admirable you come off, if it’s not coming from a place of sincerity and absolute trust, then it really doesn’t hold much weight.” -Tony Robbins
Ordinary, average people talk the talk. They self-aggrandize, boast, and brag.
Extraordinary people walk the walk. Their word is their bond. They do what they say they’ll do…no matter what.
This is the type of behavior that automatically attracts respect, admiration, and loyalty.
During church one Sunday, the pastor was speaking about how “the texture of a person” is created: heartbreak, loss, grief, or tragedy, or extreme adversity. Basically, people know when they meet this type of person. They can see it. They recognize it. It’s part of their texture.
When your actions align with your values, people will see it. They will categorize you as someone they’d want in their corner when the enemy comes charging in.
Unless your actions align with your values, you’ll never get the respect and admiration you want.
Don’t talk the talk if you don’t walk the walk.
Not Being You Will Destroy You
What most people don’t realize is that they can’t sustain a life driven by chasing the approval of others.
I mean, they can try, sure. In fact, most people do. But the price of living this way is heavy and dreadful — it costs you your life.
Not being you will make you sick. In the words of my colleague David Kadavy:
“When our true self doesn’t get a chance to follow its desires — when it doesn’t get the creative exercise necessary to arm it with a vocabulary in which to express itself — it acts out in strange ways.”
The more you act like someone else, the worse your real self feels.
This should scare you. It scares me.
Growing up, I constantly looked at porn. It became an addiction, to numb me from any pain and discomfort I felt.
I distinctly remember an image that popped in my head right before a porn-binge (it could last up to 8–10 hours). I saw two versions of me in a room — the real me, and the addict.
The real me was soft, and warm, and friendly. But he was scared. The “addict” me was terrifying and callous, a bulldozing bully. The addict grabbed the real me, and began shoving things down his throat. The real me couldn’t breathe. The addict laughed and kept forcing things down.
You cannot continue acting like someone else. It will drive you mad.
When your real self isn’t able to express itself, the rest of your life — your relationships, health, focus, passions — become sick. They start to die.
“We can never flee the misery that is within us.” -Arthur Golden
This Will Reinforce Your Self-Belief and Bring You Deep Clarity
“If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us.” -Marshall Goldsmith
If you want deep focus and increased self-belief, design an environment that nourishes these goals.
Many people have settled into environments that are focused entirely on the negative. Excessive social media, toxic friend groups, and addictive behaviors all bring out the worst parts of you, clouding your judgement and dragging you down.
Instead, you need to design an environment that removes all this toxicity, and allows you to be you.
For me, this meant cutting ties with a lot of negative people, or even just those who didn’t bring out the real me.
Like my old coworker. Years ago at my corporate job, I used to hang out with one coworker in particular more than anyone. We’d get drinks after work, cigars on weekends, and ate most lunches together.
But after I while, I began to see his negative effect on me. He’d constantly criticize our boss and company. He’d womanize and bring around a new girl every other week. He always wanted another drink. I was beginning to act like him.
I’m a people-pleaser; people like me have a compulsive need to be liked and chosen. But instead of feeding that desire, I decided to leave people who brought this out of me — like my coworker. We eventually stopped talking. It was awkward at first, but I felt much better after.
It’s difficult to take a big step back and see your life for what it truly is. Most people would be surprised to see their environments rarely nourish their real self.
If you want to increase your self-belief and focus, start with the foundation itself — your environment.
- Cut ties with negative people
- Stop going to life-draining places
- Start going to events that make you happy
- Hang out with friends and family you love, who love you
- Stop doing things that make you sad
It’s a good place to start.
“Your soul knows you’re on the wrong path even if you yourself cannot find the words to express the root of your meh.” -Neil Patel
“For those who make diligent effort to plant, to protect, and preserve, there are not enough birds, bugs, or other obstacles to destroy all the efforts of last spring.” -Jim Rohn
Your self-belief will produce rewards no one can take away.
When you focus on increasing your clarity and self-belief, others will be drawn to you. You’ll begin to automatically attract respect, admiration, and success.
Why? Because people want you to help them with their own lack of clarity. They’ll hope to learn from you. If you can help them, you’ll gain their respect and admiration.
In the words of best-selling author Darren Hardy:
“Most people drift through life without devoting much conscious energy to figuring out specifically what they want and what they need to do to get themselves there.”
If you can help people figure out where they need to go, you’ll gain their gratitude, respect, and admiration.
Ready To Level-Up?
If you want to become extraordinary and become 10x more effective than you were before, check out my checklist.