No, you’re not alone. We’re all just faking it.
Combating The Impostor Syndrome
It is because we are all impostors that we endure each other.
— Emile Cioran
Terror pools in my gut every time I sit down to write. A fear so deeply rooted, so pervasive, so all-encompassing that it’s become hard to perceive it for the illusory self-deception it truly is.
It’s the unshakable certainty that this will finally be the day I’m discovered for what I really am…
A fraud.
Doesn’t matter how many books, or stories, or articles I write. Doesn’t matter how hard you applaud or how many five stars you ninja-toss at my skull.
It’s there.
I carry it with me always.
Now, you might not be a writer, but I bet you carry a similar fear. I bet the same voice whispers in your head:
You don’t belong here.
You got lucky.
You didn’t earn this.
It’s accompanied by a dull anxiety buried in your gut that at any moment the veil will drop and everybody will suddenly see you for what you are:
An IMPOSTOR.
If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone.
That self-doubt lingering in the back of your mind is not unique. We all hear it.
We’re all struggling with that same fear. That same unspoken conviction that we do not belong.
The Impostor Syndrome
The Impostor Syndrome is all about how we fail to internalize our accomplishments. And it’s accompanied with the persistent thought that:
“I don’t really belong here.”
Of course this isn’t always the case. We’re human after-all, which more-or-less means we’re constantly oscillating between extremes. We’re not always gripped by a paralyzing self-doubt in the same way we’re not always in the throes of an ego-maniacal high (hopefully).
“The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: “I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re onto me! I’m a fraud!” So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud”
— Tina Fey
For most of us, The Impostor Syndrome strikes intermittently. Typically while poised on the precipice of some great event capable of catapulting us forward in life.
For me, that recently took the form of a radio interview. I was approached to discuss the article I wrote, The Power of Decision.
The first thought that blipped through my mind was this:
“Holy crap, how cool is that? I’ve never been on the radio before.”
(By the by, I am fully aware this is not really all that cool, but for me it is, so don’t judge. We all live by different metrics of success.)
That first thought was quickly followed by the second, however, which went a little something like this:
“Holy crap, they’re quickly going to figure out I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about!”
Now, if I’m being objective, of course I know what I’m talking about. It’s my article, after-all.
But the objective side of our brains are rarely in control when gripped by The Impostor Syndrome.
And that’s where this pesky little syndrome gathers its strength.
From the subjective, unfounded belief that we occasionally propagate about our ability, capacity, and self-worth.
Again, if it’s any consolation, you may feel like a fraud, but remember, so does everybody else.
Armed with that knowledge, understand that most people are too busy looking inward, terrified of being exposed themselves, to even bother worrying about you and your status.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t critics. The world is ripe with individuals keen on pointing out how inadequate everybody else is in an attempt to distract from their own short-comings.
Hell, nobody is a harsher critic of you than you.
The point is you can’t let that inner, or outer, critic determine your own self-worth.
Or rather, you can, but you’re setting yourself up for a mighty unhappy life.
You, the objective you, must be the sole-determiner of your self-worth. Only then, once you’ve claimed objective control can you start looking that Impostor Syndrome in the eye and call it out for what it is:
A lie.
A lie we tell ourselves so we won’t put ourselves out there.
A lie we tell ourselves so we stop pursuing those goals in life that require effort, risk, and the possibility of failure. Goals that lie just beyond our easily-attained grasp.
You know, the goals that make life worth living.
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, “uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”
— Maya Angelou
The ego wants to be coddled. Safe and secure and hidden away from prying, judgmental eyes.
But you’ll only ever achieve a fraction of your capacity, of your full-potential, by hiding away.
The Tell-Tale Signs of an ‘Impostor’
Perfectionism
Goals are good.
Impossible goals are less good.
Perfectionists set impossible standards for themselves and then, upon failure, experience crippling self-doubt.
If you fall into this group, then success rarely satisfies because you’re constantly gripped with the sense that you could’ve done even better.
It’s good to be self-critical and evaluate your performance, but there’s gotta be a limit. You can’t move the goal-posts on yourself.
Stop redefining success once you’ve achieved it.
Celebrate your victories. Seriously, it’s okay. You earned it.
Overworking
Life is all about striking balance between what you want to do and what you need to do.
The goal is to live in the intersection of these two roads, but the picture becomes convoluted when gripped by The Impostor Syndrome.
To compensate for our perceived short-comings, we grind away, burning the candle at both ends.
We push harder and harder to do more and more, convinced that somehow this exertion will offset our ‘fraudulent’ nature.
But it doesn’t work. Overload is bad for your mental health, physical health, and emotional health.
Fear of Failure
Fear of failing keeps many of us from even stepping up to the plate. Nobody ever hit a home-run while sitting on the bench.
The only way to spawn a masterpiece is to sit down (willing to fail) and start creating.
The fear of failure is especially dangerous when fighting The Impostor Syndrome.
Why?
Because failure, if viewed incorrectly, proves The Impostor Syndrome right.
Of course you failed to write that book. You’re a fraud. You were out of your depth even trying in the first place. Did you really think this would play out any other way?
But this voice is wrong. Again, it’s lying to you.
Failure is necessary. It’s an integral part of the process.
I wrote an article discussing The Psychology of Failure and I recommend you check it out if the fear of failing is holding you back.
Discounting Praise
The Impostor in us refuses praise.
Well, that’s not entirely accurate.
We accept praise, but for the wrong reasons.
If you got that promotion, it’s easier to discount the act by saying, “Oh, I got that because the boss likes me”, than it is to admit, “I got that promotion ’cause I deserved it. I’m great at what I do.”
This isn’t always the case. As mentioned earlier, we’re always sliding from one end of the impostor spectrum to the other.
The key is to recognize when we’ve slid too far to one side or the other, for as is the case with most things in life, happiness is found in the middle.
The Take-Away
We all struggle with the occasionally crippling self-doubt that we are not good enough.
But I am here to remind you of two things:
- You are not a fraud.
- You are not alone.
You may never silence that critical inner voice entirely, but never forget that its message is a lie.
You do not have to listen to it.
You can prove it wrong.
Now get out there and do it.
Thanks for reading! :)
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