Is meditation selfish?

The other day, my friend declared to me in a rush as I was heading out of her home, that my year of meditation spree is self-indulgent, leaving me with guilt to digest on my way home.

I have recently decided to take time off to work on myself. In other words, heal some old wounds, learn to be present with my feelings, and truly embrace uncertainty.

It took me years to accept that I needed space, because I always thought it was selfish.

So instead I built a company to help others find their passions. While it worked, it left me a wreck end of last year. Why? Because I was not kind to myself, I was not helping myself. I did not know how. And I could not keep going.

So it is the classic debate: Is my time to the community selfless and meditating for 10 days selfish?

And is meditation an alternative to going to bars and drinking? Both in my friend’s view self- indulgent?

But isn’t donating to charity or doing community work selfish in its own way, as we do it to make ourselves feel better?

What’s the point of volunteering with the needy, if we are mean to our spouse? Cold with our neighbors, abusive to ourselves?

My thoughts on this topic evolved from defensiveness, to assessment of every option to finally realizing it’s not either or.

It’s about being honest with the self. The self we are left with when we come home at night and there is no one home. Not our friend or even our children, it’s us.

In my case, meditation has helped me become a calmer, more present person with myself and my environment. Drinking has made me a sadder person.

A year off will give me the time and the space to better help others when I resume my work. Continuing to help my community would have depleted me even more.

Having said that, too much of working on myself is no good either. I will get caught up in my ego, and rob the world my gifts.

The Buddha said that it’s not about being enlightened and sitting in your cave all your life meditating. It’s about working with others to help them.

But can you really help them, if you yourself have no idea how to help yourself? If you did not how to fully listen and be present for them?