Is Self-Judgment Hurting Your Growth In Business ?
What is self-judgment?
These are thoughts about yourself and how you perceive yourself.
While this may be a good thing, it also has its negative effect depending on your mindset. If you are in sales and/or an entrepreneur, the question to ask you is:
Is self-judgement slowing your growth in business or career?
Let’s take an example of a guy I know, he was letting me know about things he is uncomfortable about — this guy works in sales — being too pushy in the sales process. He got this judgment from his family and started this self-judgment which in turn he created a shadow version of himself.
This also applies in relationships and how you deal with people around you.
If you have a shadow version of yourself, what are some traits or qualities that make up that shadow part of you? What is going on in that shadow version of who you are?
How long has this shadow been around?
There is an origin point from where it started and it is usually from a significant emotional event that has caught your attention and it stuck.
Did you observe someone else in that situation or see someone act a certain way?
This comes from either observation or participation. The positive side of it is that you tend to want to repeat it and on the other hand, the negative is that you try to avoid it.
When you talk about taking the chance because the thought of failure scares you, you tend to work, work, work because of your fear of failure. If you tend to do it and become extraordinarily, then it may serve you.
However, is there something that you could replace it with that would also keep you from a place that would not drive you to fear but it would compel you to drive forward?
Instead of running constantly from fear of failure you’d be moving towards something or shifting your whole thought of what failure is.
How do you present yourself?
In order to prevent yourself from failing, film or record yourself doing a presentation and go watch it because when you go and watch how you showed up versus how you thought you showed up — it is an entirely different universe! If there is a part of yourself that you are afraid to tap into, what’s the fear that goes with it?
The fear goes back in the line either “I will be discommunicated from the group or lose rapport or fear that exists under there.”
How do you face fear?
There is a book called “The Tools” by Phil Stutz and Barry Michaels which has a great metaphor of facing fear and how to get through it which is called “Reversal of Desire”:
1. See the pain or see the fear as a cloud floating in front of you silently, scream to the cloud, “BRING IT ON!”
2. Feel an intense desire for the fear or for the pain as you move into it and silently scream, “I love pain, I love this fear!”
3. Keep moving forward and go so deeply that it spits you out the other side and know that fear or pain sets me free.
What the worst that could happen?
Sometimes this is a useful question and sometimes it literally paralyzes people. The whole thought process is when you actually experience what you are afraid of sometimes -it’s NO BIG DEAL!
The fear of failing is scarier than actually failing!
Think of that person (side of yourself) that you really want to be. First couple of times if you act or be that person, it could feel uncomfortable but as you go along it will be easy.
If you can immediately capture and learn to push the boundaries, you are actually free.
Here’s what you can do:
- Immediately grab a journal of what went really well because inevitably something is going to go well.
2. What didn’t go so good?
3. How are you going to improve it when you are going to do it again?