Love Wars: Comparing myself to the new age of Superstar.
There is a new wave of Superstar.
The igniter’s and powerful spiritual souls that have growing followers hanging on to every word they say. These people are promising the world their love and attention, thanks to social media, by being the epitome of love itself. Their sweet offerings are about knowing your truest nature and that love is the answer. Some say that if you love yourself “enough”, you can love the entire world. They are brave speakers, free thinkers and inspiring millions, some are making millions!
There is a small part of me looking to these publicly purposed, slices of individuals so that I can continue the past of not feeling good enough and looking OUTSIDE to solve my problems. As much as these people inspire me, I’m totally comparing myself to the level of love that I perceive they can offer. “I’m not enough.” Doesn’t that sound familiar? Don’t we all do that, all the time these days? Compare ourselves to other bodies, careers and bank accounts?
After growing up with Oprah, reading Brene Brown, the Dalai Llama’s biography, looking at so many life coaches and heart based entrepreneurs writing amazing articles, sharing their stories on Podcasts and videos, I find myself uplifted and moved and then my brain starts questioning, “how loving am I, really?”
I’m at war with them and they, in a way, are at war with each other. Who can love the biggest, the most, spread the message the widest, more followers, more programs more ways to make a living on teaching you how to be the best you possible. But this pressure from being so inundated with people finding it and then needing to share, is overwhelming and consuming, for both sides of the screen. So what do you do on this end? Watch another one!
Is this just another competition?
The message is driven by the followers and we aren’t sitting in congregation anymore. Millions of people are hearing the words, they’re being touched and engaged by messages about selfless dwelling that must start from the inside on every Facebook post, blog (I do it too!), Barnes & Noble Self-Help aisles and inspiring YouTube Videos. We’ve come into the age of expression and expression seems to only count when there’s somebody on the other end. But what do you do with the inspiration once you walk away from the screen, go home from your weekend workshop or retreat and feel as high as a kite?
I need to make sure that what I’m experiencing, expressing and feeling is just as potent when there’s nobody on the other side. This is my bullshit meter and my mission, to stay above it, or at least in the middle.
A few years ago I was facilitating an intimate workshop in NY where a few people gathered for a weekend with a famous thought leader and life coach. In the course the students share vulnerabilities and come out the other end in truth. A public figure and published author for one of the most famous media outlets in the world, decided to pop in for the weekend. She was obviously connected spiritually and seemed to be a loving and caring human that was making a name for herself with her life wisdom and ability to teach empowerment through the divine. She was a big personality, you could feel her a mile a way.
Her sharing was beautiful and I felt honored to hold such space for authentic truth in navigating identity. But the one thing she shared was kind of this giant neon highlighter that seems to get brighter as time goes on.
This successful, famous person was struggling because she was not named one of the top 10 or so up and coming spiritual teachers in the nation. I’m not kidding but I’m pretty sure it was like Oprah’s list. Another author and popular, younger media star made it in and she felt hurt. She felt like she deserved the spot over them and it was painful that she hadn’t been acknowledged as so.
What…?
I entered the room a bit star struck and in awe of this woman’s connection to spirit and intuitive gifts and she was stuck and feeling sad about not being in the top 10. Dude, I get it, it’s like when your boyfriend is drooling over your sexy body in bed and all you can think about is how much cellulite you have.
It is a real life Care Bear stare. Who can shine the brightest and be the most positive influence in the world.
We all want connection and we get it by sharing our stories and our truths. It’s a beautiful thing when you hear about somebody else’s life and get it. You see yourself in them and you don’t feel alone so you perceive this as love. You perceive their expression over the internet or t.v. as a love relationship, they see your likes and engagement as love and it feels like that person gave you something. We’re all explorers and shouting to the rest of the team when we’ve struck gold.
Gold is rich and shiny and beautiful to look at but it’s damn heavy.
The thing that we are all getting, is a feeling from a message outside of us. It is penetrating our perspective and giving you the option to think differently. A gift yes, love…nope.
Love is not something that you can buy, sell or get from a person standing on the other side of your own soul. Nobody can promise you love or give you the exact coördinates. It is not a commodity. It is not a tool or a tactic or a class you can take on Udemy.
Love is free, it is boundless and you are made up of it. It is a personal experience that will also connect you to everything the second you try to stop searching for it and the belief that you can get it from somewhere else.
You can’t get love, you can only experience love as you are in every moment and I’m even talking about the real shitty ones. To exist as a whole, experiencing person on this planet, I must feel the love that I am as bigger than myself. This love will falter without practice, it will disappear from my grasps if I’m seeking and looking elsewhere. The dark days when I’ve made poor decisions, the shadow of a person you can become when you spend so much time needing love from somewhere else, these are the real tests.
The biggest expressions of love are not exalted and being broadcast around the world. Love is the biggest when you find it deep. When you are around other people who bring you down, including yourself and find the pinprick of light that you can go towards, remember what you actually are.
We exist around love. This life of matter and bones is the love container and the second we stop seeking it outwards and realizing god isn’t a treasure hunt, you become freedom and the wars stop and the need to fix anything ceases.
