The Incredible Power of Giving
Unlocking The Incredible Power That Giving Gives Us
When I first started writing this article, the title I had in mind was 15 Positive Methods to Make Your Life More Meaningful.
I dove into my usual research and found myself focusing on one aspect and one aspect alone, so much so that I decided this one aspect just needed one article of its own!
The topic?
Giving.
I separated the articles into two, realizing that serving others held the key to a lot more in life than just meaning.
Service not only allows us to live a worthwhile life, it unlocks superhuman powers within us as well…
Superpowers Through Service
I often look at people with a strange curiosity. Especially those who have bags under their eyes and happily say things like, “I’ve only gotten four hours of sleep this week!”
I think, what monster is doing this to you?!
And then I notice the chubby baby in their arms and I suddenly understand their smile in spite of their lack of sleep…
“It’s worth burning myself out like a match so long as others receive the light and warmth I dispatch.” — Shannon Perry
In her book All Joy and No Fun, Jennifer Senior explores the modern paradox of parenthood:
When it comes to raising children, hardships (“like sleep deprivation, which, according to researchers at Queen’s University in Ontario, can in some respects impair our judgment as much as being legally drunk” — Jennifer Senior), are usually overshadowed by extreme joy.
The author attributes this to the idea that children allow us to venture into a different portal of living,
“Most adults do not live in a world of forgiveness and unconditional love, unless, that is, they have small children.” — Jennifer Senior, All Joy and No Fun
My sister often tells me that she hates zombie shows/movies for one reason. The selfish side of humanity often shown in these kind of stories, where people sacrifice the needs of others to serve themselves, is a lie. She believes that if humanity were really in crisis, we would come together, not tear each other apart.
I remember her saying to me one day,
“If September 11th showed us anything it’s that acts of terror don’t really tear us apart. We were more kind, more united, more compassionate from that day forward. The terrorists didn’t win.”
I am constantly moved by what a person can do when someone else is in need. Sometimes when I walk through a crowded area I often have a certain thought that strikes me,
All of these people walking around right now are alive today because someone out there took care of them when they were a baby.
Countless people summoned the superpower to sacrifice their own life for another’s and it didn’t take wars or violence, it took the cry of a small child…
“This is what parents do — what all of us do, in fact, when we’re at our unrivaled best. We bind ourselves to those who need us most, and through caring for them, grow to love them, grow to delight in them, grow to marvel at who they are. Gift-love at its purest. Even in the midst of pain and loss, it is, miraculously, still possible to summon.” — Jennifer Senior, All Joy and No Fun
The Lifeblood To Live By
“Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness…the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.” — Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Call it cliché, but I really do believe self-giving love is the secret to life.
I remember being younger and reading the part in Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince when Harry learns he will need to defeat Voldemort, the most evil wizard of all time, with a superpower that the “Dark Lord knows not.”
“So, when the prophecy says that I’ll have ‘power the Dark Lord knows not,’ it just means — love?” asked Harry, feeling a little let down.
“Yes — just love,” said Dumbledore.
Just love, Harry. (Boy, was Dumbledore right.) The magical theme and power of love in the book saves Harry’s life many times and he comes to realize that it really is the ultimate power to defeat darkness.
Like J.K. Rowling, I believe too that love gives us the fire, the superpower, the magic to do things we wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Love was what allowed Harry to conquer Voldermort. And love is what allows us to move mountains as well…
Actress Ruby Dee once recounted a story she read about a group of Jewish people who were fleeing the Nazis.
The group had to walk over a steep mountain to escape. They had members who were sick, who were children, who were old. Not everyone could be carried.
After some time, a lot of the older people collapsed by the wayside, unable to move another foot. They cried out,
“It’s ok… Just go on without me!”
Their group decided to respond to them with an interesting statement,
“The mothers need respite, so instead of sitting there and dying, would you take the babies and try to walk as far as you can?”
Once these older members started walking again, holding the babies tightly in their arms, they all made it over the mountain.
…
This powerful story also illustrates a principle so often overlooked in our society…
Serving others can give us the lifeblood to survive things we think we can’t possibly endure.
Serving gives us more meaning, it puts more life into our living.
“Caring for others is the best way to fulfill our own interests.” — Auliq-Ice
Helping others gives us special powers. Impossibly, everyone seems to win.
Giving When It Doesn’t Make Sense
In his book Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, Adam Grant tells us that though research demonstrates that givers are often at a disadvantage (more likely to make less money, more likely to become victims of crimes, judged to be less powerful by peers, etc.) the same research also shows that givers are more likely to come out on top as well. Givers fall either on the bottom or the top of the work food-chain (with takers and matchers usually falling somewhere in the middle.)
“Givers dominate the bottom and the top of the success ladder. Across occupations, if you examine the link between reciprocity styles and success, the givers are more likely to become champs — not only chumps…
When takers win, there’s usually someone else who loses. Research shows that people tend to envy successful takers and look for ways to knock them down a notch. In contrast, when givers…win, people are rooting for them and supporting them, rather than gunning for them. Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the success of people around them.”
― Adam M. Grant, Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success
I can understand why people often approach work with a taking or matching mentality. We’re almost conditioned to be this way, to believe giving doesn’t make sense…
In school, I was taught something terribly incorrect.
I was taught to be selfish.
Having to compete with my classmates on tests that were graded on a curve (which meant 10–20% of the students with the lowest test scores failed no matter what) made life competitive. It caused me to retreat into solitude, withhold information from my classmates, and study alone.
Sometimes curves can benefit classes, if a tough tests comes along and everyone doesn’t do as well as they hope for, but I always felt like I had that one kid in class…that one who always did perfectly and therefore upset the curve (and the rest of us.)
So now that you know the tone of my college career, fast forward to when I met my now-husband Jonathan Chew in a mutual class we both ended up taking together.
Something happened that changed the way I viewed taking and giving forever…
Go on and fast forward again to the very last day of this class, the day of final group presentations, the day of life or death. (Basically our whole grade depended on this project, this day.)
When it came time for Jonathan Chew’s group to present, the teacher asked each individual to step forward and explain what they themselves had contributed to the particular project (just as he had for every other group, including mine.)
Jonathan Chew took the first step forward. He took the lead saying,
“All of us in this group worked on this project and made it what it is. We claim responsibility for all the content in it.”
Then each individual followed and stepped forward and said the same thing. The entire group.
I was pretty shocked at first. Later, when Jonathan Chew and I were dating I had to ask him to clarify this moment for me (because all the other students and I had our jaws dropped that day.)
Jonathan Chew explained how one of the students in his group rarely came to their group meetings. And even when he did it was like his mind was somewhere else.
I’m not going to lie, my blood started to boil a little bit when he told me this. I knew my husband was a sweetie but I couldn’t believe he would cover for someone who clearly wasn’t doing his part, forcing the group to pick up unneeded slack!
Then my husband finished.
Jonathan told me that the student’s mom was sick in the hospital that whole semester. Jonathan couldn’t bear to have that student embarrassed in front of everyone, and have that student be yelled at by the teacher when life had already put him through so much already…
“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” — John Bunyan
By the way, the projects were ranked and awarded prizes after everyone had concluded presenting. Jonathan Chew, along with the rest of his group, took first place.
“It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.” — Napoleon Hill
Do I think it’s a coincidence that their group took first place?
No, not with the attitude everyone in the group so clearly had, that united them together under something bigger than themselves.
They didn’t care about their grades, or their individual glory. They cared about their fellow man. And boy, did it reflect in their kick-butt presentation.
“When you reach out to those in need, do not be surprised if the essential meaning of something occurs.” — Stephen Richards
How does serving others give us this strange power to get ahead in work, thrive on little or no sleep, climb the tallest of mountains, and even save us from death itself?
There’s a secret out there that some people (like my husband) tapped into very early in life…
“Your life will become better by making other lives better.” — Will Smith
When Should We Give?
Perhaps there are times when we give to others, where are gifts are not welcomed or wanted.
But I believe developing an attitude of giving can only do more positive than negative in the long run. It is far better to be givers than to be worriers, to be takers, or to be apathetic.
Call To Action
Serving others benefits not just others, but you as well! Tap into the strange power of giving and watch your life (and the lives of others around you) blossom before your very eyes. If you have any stories or examples or insights on the topic, I would love to hear about it in the comments below as well!
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