Top Ten Strategies to Ward Off Negativity
How To Turn Negative Thoughts Into Positive Realities
I’ve died thousands of times. I’ve watched the most of horrific of things happen to the people I love the most. I’ve been fired by every boss. I’ve been sued by nearly everyone I’ve had a disagreement with.
My name is Mandy Chew. And I have anxiety.
Maybe I shouldn’t say I have anxiety. Sometimes anxiety chooses to knock on the doors inside my brain. I try to slam the door but the Big Bad Wolf of Anxiety huffs and puffs until he blows everything down.
Irrational fears and the most horrible of ideas attack my mind on a constant basis.
By the way, none of those things I mentioned previously have actually happened…
But in a way they almost have…
If the quote is true,
“Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.” — Robin Sharma
Then I’ve created some pretty Hellish versions of life for myself, even if only inside my mind.
What Can Combat Negativity In The Brain?
There’s a variety of options available out there for people who encounter this in their brains. They often come in a list of what I like to call the “Three Ps”
Prescriptions.
Professionals.
Positive Thinking.
While different methods work differently for each individual, I want to focus this article primarily on the power of the last “P”.
Positive Thinking
I am happy to share some mental strategies and methods that I believe can help negate negative thinking and destructive thoughts. Permanently.
These are things that have worked for me personally. I share them with you not as a finality, but more as one version of success from a personal journey.
I hope these concepts will help anyone out there who wants to create a brighter more positive future for themselves. Especially in that place we so often dwell: the mind.
1. Hold Fast to an Attitude of Gratitude
“Remember that your brain isn’t built for happiness. It’s built for survival. Happiness is something you have to create after-the-fact.” — Tai Lopez
Unfortunately our brain is hard-wired and conditioned to focus on negative thoughts because at one point it was essential to our survival.
Basically our ancestors utilized fear and conditioned it into their brains because it helped them reduce their chances of getting eaten or killed.
And they passed that on to us.
Thanks.
Now we have what Tai Lopez labels “the 10,000 year-old brain” where we are programmed to retain the negative and throw out the positive.
The good news? We can train our brain to have a positivity bias instead of a negativity bias by consistently practicing an attitude of gratitude.
“It takes practice to create a positivity bias, to be grateful for all you do have instead of all you do not have, all that is right instead of all that is wrong, all that feels good instead of all that aches.” — David Romanelli
Keeping something like a gratitude journal may feel silly at first. We may ask ourselves things like,
I know I’m grateful for things like breathing and being alive so why do I really need to write stuff like this down every day?
Why? Because you need to make the extra effort. You are fighting off a brain that thinks of thoughts as hungry animals around the corner, ready to attack and kill you.
“The negative screams at you but the positive only whispers.” — Barbara Fredrickson
2. Cancel Your Subscription To Other People’s Issues
When drug addicts go through rehab, there’s usually a special step they take in recovery. They go through their phone and delete all the contacts that would tempt them to use again.
I know this is easier said then done, and there’s a lot of people in our lives who may be fighting their own battles and need us there to be by their side.
But negativity is just as toxic, addicting, and harmful as drugs.
You can only take so much.
If you can’t cut someone out of your life, if someone you love is drowning in negativity and pulling you down with them, then allot them only a certain amount of time (like 10–15 minutes) to do this to this to you. Once you feel yourself too tired to stay afloat from carrying the two of you, you have to resurface.
The person you love won’t benefit from the two of you swimming in too much negativity, from the two of you drowning and dying, so go find a brighter shore and invite them to swim there with you, or else no more swimming for the rest of the day at all.
Your example in having positive paradigm will be far more effective to them than anything else.
“You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul.” -Harold B. Lee
3. Distract Yourself When Negative Thoughts Arise
“Anxiety is one little tree in your forest. Step back and look at the whole forest.” -Unknown
We’ve all done it. A child is crying. We want them desperately to stop. Stop. Please!
We make a silly face or give them a piece of candy or just point to something new.
Bam
Problem solved.
But really, how often do we do this to ourselves?
Are we using that wonderful tool of distraction to help refocus our own brains?
I don’t know about you, but when I’m sad I have this tendency to curl up into a little miserable ball in a corner somewhere and cry myself silly for a few hours.
Don’t fall into this trap. You deserve so much more than a pity party. There’s so much life around you to be lived and nothing is going to get done, no one is going to be helped, if you put yourself into a corner of negativity.
“It is a waste of time to be angry about my disability. One has to get on with life and I haven’t done badly. People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.” — Stephen Hawking
4. Give What You Lack To Get More Back!
One of the best methods to distract ourselves from the negative whirlwinds that can come charging at us is to do something for someone else, especially a nice something.
“Focusing on the needs of others has a way of motivating you to do more than you thought possible…You find strength when you’re exhausted. That’s because life supports that which improves the quality of life. When we contribute to our community, we become part of something that is bigger than ourselves.” -Tony Robbins
It’s a principle that seems like it shouldn’t make sense: give, even when you are exhausted, to get more back…
What we lack in life, be it love or success or positivity, can only come back to us when we give it out first.
We have to put it out into the universe.
Bad things inside of us often require a special and unique remedy in order to be fixed-up properly.
“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” ― Steve Maraboli
Look outward to help others …and inwardly help yourself in return!
5. Love Yourself, Honey
“As a doctor, let me tell you what self-love does: It improves your hearing, your eyesight, lowers your blood pressure, increases pulmonary function, cardiac output, and helps wiring the musculature. So, if we had a rampant epidemic of self-love then our healthcare costs would go down dramatically. So, this isn’t just some little frou-frou new age notion, oh love yourself honey. This is hardcore science.” — Dr. Christiane Northrop
It’s hardcore science. Love yourself to live better.
No more pity parties. No more self-sabotage. Revel in your youness because there’s a sweetness only you can bring to this world!
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”― Dr. Seuss
7. Make Art With a Thought. Not war.
“Every bad situation is a blues song waiting to happen” -Amy Winehouse
Pain can be a beautiful tool. Without pain we would never have some of the most beautiful works of art. We would never have been able to read about Harry Potter or admire the thick brushstrokes of Van Gough.
“When the Japanese mend broken objects they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold, because they believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.” — Barbara Bloom
Pain is a part of life. We might as well make something beautiful out of it.
Next time you experience negativity, try venting to a blank piece of paper instead of a person.
Paint. Write. Create beauty to erase your pain.
8. Practice Mindfulness
“You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.” -Pema Chodron
I love Headspace. It’s an app that has loads of videos to show you how to achieve mindfulness in a tangible way (and the narrator has a really soothing voice and accent too).
One of the techniques it often describes is to think of thoughts like cars passing on the freeway.
We can watch our thoughts and notice them, but we don’t need to dwell on them. They’re thoughts. They’re going to move on by.
It’s ok that both negative and positive thoughts exist. We shouldn’t get frustrated at negativity. It’s ok to embrace both the good and bad with a mindful approach.
So next time negativity comes, focus on breathing those deep breaths that fill your lungs with life and let the thoughts go at their speed.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh
6. Understand That Your Thoughts Are Not YOU
Negative thoughts aren’t you. What you decide to do with them is who you really are.
Realities are built by actions. Not thoughts.
“Lips and tongues lie. But actions never do.” ― Sherrilyn Kenyon
Lips and tongues (and thoughts) can lie…
Don’t let a few negative thoughts freak you out and define who you really are. Show them who’s boss!
9. Interrupt Your Patterns of Pain with Patterns of Pleasure
“The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors.” — Tony Robbins
Tony Robbins, a motivational speaker who uses a variety of techniques to improve the lives of others, has told the most interesting stories about how he helps people at some of his seminars and personal sessions.
Oftentimes someone in need will absolutely bear their soul to Tony. When this particular person starts sobbing, talking to Tony about all the fears and problems that they so desperately need to fix, at their most vulnerable moment, at the time that their fears strike most powerfully, Tony will do something amazing.
And it’s probably not what you’d expect…
Right in the middle of them speaking and crying, Tony will loudly and abruptly make a silly and odd noise. Sometimes he jumps up and down. Sometimes he even dumps water onto the person’s head.
Then he has them continue.
He doesn’t do this to be mean or cruel, I promise.
Tony does this to interrupt negative patterns. To change these ideas instantly in a new direction. He does these actions out of love, out of wanting to help people move forward, out of their patterns of pain. Out of their past. Into a positive reality and future.
I believe nothing gives us easier access to pleasure, nothing pulls us out of the depths and despair of negativity more, than shifting our focus, especially with laughter.
They weren’t lying when they said,
“Laughter is the best medicine”
I’ve seen it personally in action.
10. Laugh at Those Negative Ideas… ‘Cause They’re a Total Joke!
My husband Jonathan Chew has this special list he gets out every time I have an irrational thought of one of us dying.
He’s coyly titled it The Awesome Adventures of Mandy. And he bursts out into giggles every time he has to write a new addition on the list.
A few highlights on this list include:
-Death from inhaling too much bug spray when we handled an infestation in our home
-Death from food with a label that was a month expired
-Death from a toenail infection
Oh gosh. Just typing these down make me feel so embarrassed. But they also do something wonderful to me as well. They make me laugh.
I literally read these words and just picture my husband’s face, close to tears, absorbed in laughter. I can’t help but laugh along…
While I don’t think laughter is always the perfect response to a possible anxiety attack, in this case it’s extremely helpful.
By consistently laughing at bad thoughts instead of shriveling up in pain, old patterns change. The body is reconditioned.
I’m proud to say The Awesome Adventures of Mandy List hasn’t been added to in quite a while. I think I literally laughed it to death.
And it feels wonderful!
Recap
These are not the only mental methods out there to combat negativity. These are simply the ones I find to be the most effective:
- Keep an attitude of gratitude to overcome the 10,000 year old brain
- Cancel your subscription to OPI (Other People’s Issues)
- Distract yourself when negative thoughts arise
- Give to get more
- Love yourself
- Practice Mindfulness
- Make beauty and art with your mind, not war
- Your negative thoughts are not what really defines you
- Interrupt your patterns of negativity with patterns of pleasure
- Give your negative thoughts the real attention they deserve: laughter! Go on with this laughter until you humiliate those negative thoughts. In all honesty they deserve to be humiliated. They are hideous. They are ludicrous. Really, they’re a total joke.
My own personal journey in dealing with anxiety has led me to these conclusions but I would love to hear if anyone has any other strategies that could potentially help myself or others — be sure to leave them in the comments below!
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