Tune Out
On a daily basis we are bombarded with background “noise”. Externally, there is a constant stream of advertisements: billboards, busses and trains, taxis, stores, television commercials, radio commercials, social media advertisements, news broadcasts, magazines, internet pop ups, emails, and sporting events. The list goes on. If you spent just one day being fully aware of how many advertisements you are exposed to, you would be surprised not only by the sheer amount, but also by the plethora of places they are found.
We are sold not only products but also ideas and lifestyles. For example, I love shopping at Victoria’s Secret. It makes me feel young and sexy, and it’s a good stress reliever at the end of a difficult week. But without a healthy dose of awareness, I can start to adopt the idea that my sense of worth as a woman is derived mainly from my physical appearance. We need to start being aware of the implicit messages and ideas we consume and to counter them with a healthy dose of reality, confidence, self-love, and self-care. Being aware is the critical first step, and sometimes the only one needed to begin the road to healing and self-discovery.
Many of our fears boil down to a fear of abandonment or loss. We want to be “good enough” so we can fit into a social group. It is a human need to belong. But fitting in and belonging are different. When we fit in, we often have to give up parts of ourselves or “fake it” to win group approval. When we belong, we are accepted for who we really are. It’s important to be aware of this so we can begin to move toward living from a healthier space of self-acceptance and authenticity. We must first belong to ourselves before we can belong to anyone else.
In addition to the static of our outside world, we also need to be aware of our own internal noise. Meditation can help filter out this chatter. There are many ways to meditate and you should experiment to see which ones work for you. The ways that work best for me are yoga and mindfulness. When I do yoga I am focusing on my breath and body movements, which naturally helps siphon out internal chatter. Mindfulness means being aware of what I am processing through my five senses and being fully present with those sensations. Rather than trying not to think (which is tremendously difficult), I focus on the sounds, smells, sights, and physical feelings of my environment. This also helps to relieve anxiety because my overactive mind takes a backseat to my senses when I am being mindful. You can be mindful doing any activity, from listening to music or painting to dancing or just taking a walk.
As someone with a highly active mind it is necessary for me to have sufficient mental stimulation as well. Some ways I achieve this include having an intellecutal discussion with someone, reading an intriguing book, or learning something new. If I don’t give my mind the stimulation it needs, it will turn to counter-productive measures to occupy itself. Often this is manifested through my inner critic and self-defeating thoughts. Our inner critic can wreak havoc on our lives if we let it run rampant. Again, it’s important to be aware of our own self-talk. It usually boils down to being brave enough to cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. It is from this foundation that the rest of our lives follow suit.
To embark on this journey is courageous and revolutionary. We are going against an entire system, whether that system is as broad as society in general or as narrow as your immediate family or friend group or even your own inner critic. To go against the grain in order to live our own authenticity is as vulnerable and terrifying as it is rewarding. Our sense of belonging is at stake, or at least we feel like it is. But what we are really doing is choosing belonging over its caricature: fitting in.
This is a process that certainly doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not about being “perfect” or happy all the time. I’ve struggled most when I believe that unless I’m always happy and performing well (at work, in school, in my social groups, etc.) that I’ve failed. The key is to accept yourself at all times — even when you are experiencing painful emotions (which are part of life and won’t ever go away). When you are not living up to your standards of excellence, when you fail, when you feel most alone, when you feel most like you want to quit — that is the time when it is most difficult and most important to accept yourself as you are. The most effective change comes from a space of acceptance, not resistance. It is very different to want to change because you hate yourself or an aspect of yourself rather than wanting to change because you accept and love yourself and therefore want to move in the direction of growth. I have found that the path to self love begins with self acceptance. More than that, self-love cannot be truly achieved in the absence of acceptance.
We need to actively chose what we tune in to and become aware of how we are affected by it. We can focus on the things that bring us joy and help us grow rather than on what makes us feel insecure and lacking. It’s critically important that you take the time and effort to get in touch with yourself on a deep, personal level. We need to find our passions, talents, skills, and what makes us come alive. Then we have to do more of those things. We are rarely taught to do this, and once we reach adulthood we are never taught to do this. Learning to be in solitude can be very helpful on this journey.
There is a fruitful and unique opportunity available to you when you allow yourself time to unplug and reflect. This happens most effectively and organically in solitude when we have turned off all the “noise”. Especially with the advent of the internet and social media, not only do we have even more static, but we can easily feel that we are missing out if we are not continuously connected to the endless stream of updates and posts. Learning to be alone is a skill and a very important one. Most of us automatically feel the need to “fill” any extra time that is available to us because we are afraid of being alone with ourselves. It is precisely this aloneness that provides us with the opportunity to connect with our true hopes, desires, and feelings. It is a skill that many of us are not comfortable cultivating, but it offers many rewards. The process of self-awareness and self-growth is scary and painful. But it is the facing of fear that truly strengthens us.
It is an act of courage and bravery to tune out of what doesn’t serve us and tune in to what puts us on the path to self-awareness and personal growth. This is often at odds with the “norm” but we were not born to follow trends, we were born to live our own authentic and empowered lives that are in line with our talents and passions. The more people that chose this path of authenticity, the more the world will change for the better. From individual change, large-scale change naturally follows.
