Want More Happiness, Time, Success? Use “JOMO” (The Joy of Missing Out)
5 WAYS JOMO WILL UPGRADE YOUR LIFE IMMEDIATELY
“Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”― Steve Jobs
I remember several months ago when I was in Nashville, Tennessee and I got an alert that a ballistic missile was about to kill my family in Hawaii within minutes.
This week my wife is in Toulouse, France and got a message that a Category 5 Hurricane was going to wipe me and our children out.
I don’t know what’s worse…knowing your family will die in minutes or knowing your family will die over days. ;) No one died then. We aren’t gonna die now.
One time in Boise, Idaho I saw some graffiti of a cockroach and a Twinkie holding hands. They were depicted as the only survivors of the apocalypse. #accurate.
We’ve had several personal apocalypses in our lives. You may have too.
Humans don’t make it out alive because of processed ingredients or evolution. We actually don’t always make it out alive at all. We are fragile.
Each time we’ve experienced a heavy tragedy or a potential tragedy, we actually sometimes want to die too. We want to shrink and fade away. That’s human.
What makes humans great isn’t our ability to survive like a Twinkie or a cockroach or even a Twinkie cockroach or cockroach Twinkie (I hate typing that as much as you hate reading it, but I couldn’t help myself).
What makes humans great is our ability to thrive DESPITE the risk of not being able to survive.
Tragedies bring humans together. It’s a terrible, beautiful thing. If you feel like you don’t have anyone in your life to hold you up, I’m sorry. Not gonna sugarcoat it like a Twinkie. That’s hard.
Sometimes even the biggest and greatest leaders feel alone. Loneliness doesn’t mean people aren’t around you: it’s more complicated. Right now @natalienorton is alone and probably lonely worrying about our safety and powerless to do anything about it, but somehow she’s hanging in there. (France isn’t a bad place to wait it out and at least someone will be able to carry the torch if we don’t make it…I kid. I kid.)
Our biggest pains in life aren’t always what happen to us, but what happens to others.
If you’re alone or lonely or scared or having a hard time, consider this: it’s a tunnel, not a cave.
That is advice I read somewhere in a grief pamphlet after my son died. Tunnels end…but you HAVE to keep walking.
Why Does this Matter?
Life and death situations, challenging situations, important issues, loneliness, finding meaning, fear, courage, crucial conversations, defining moments — you know — real life stuff…can put all the fluff in our lives into proper perspective. OR, it can make you feel worse. The great challenge in life is to turn tragedies into triumphs, sadness into success and confusion into confidence. It’s the small everyday activities added up that total the sum of our existence.
Small moments matter.
The principles in this article have the power to help you make a lot more with a lot less so you can achieve the most important things to you in your life at this time. Your most important things change over time. Act on reaching the goals in your head today…fast. Accepting that life is insane, that bad things happen to good people and that you can find the courage to be grateful for the good in every situation and still move forward is hard (even terrifying), but heroic.
Here are three quick tips to keep in mind as you learn the art of JOMO:
1. Finding joy in missing out is the definition of an intentional life.
2. The fear of missing out is distracting you from your life’s purpose.
3. You don’t need more time, you need to act on creative, intent-based ideas.
Your life should consist of more than commuting, working, eating, surfing the Internet, sleeping and watching TV. Your life should be filled with purpose-driven experiences and projects that bring excitement, passion, energy, and authentic meaning and joy into your life.
To accelerate success, we must get as close to our dreams as possible as soon as possible.
What Are the Top 10 Things People Want More of In Life and Dream About
“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi
My dear friend and colleague Kathy Caprino (Kathy Caprino), Forbes contributor, influencer and podcast host of Finding Brave ran a survey to find out the top 10 things people want most. Here’s what she asked, “If you could say in one word what you want more of in life, what would that be?” Here’s what she found and published on Huffington Post:
Another interesting survey asks people in the UK specifically what they dreamed about. Here were the top 10 dreams:
- Traveling around the world
- Visiting a dream holiday destination
- Owning a home
- Getting in shape
- Seeing one of the Seven Wonders of the World
- Owning a dream car
- Retiring early
- Learning a new skill (music, language etc)
- Renovating the home
- Landing ideal job/career change
I found it interesting how some of the things we FEEL we want most (happiness, freedom, fulfillment, confidence, etc) we think we can find in certain tangibles (traveling, home ownership, renovating, etc).
Many of the most important feelings we want DO come from personal achievements, but not always.
Do you know anyone (or have you personally) ever achieved any of these dreams from the UK survey and still not felt like you got what you wanted most in life like those feelings from Kathy’s survey?
Can we have it all?
If so, how?
Do we really need “IT ALL”?
Or, could having it all mean having less?
JOMO: The Joy of Missing Out
“The healthiest response to life is joy. — Deepak Chopra
What is JOMO?
Here are the five principles of JOMO. I also offer strategies for immediate implementation of JOMO so you can upgrade your life with more happiness, time and success.
- JOMO is the opposite of FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out).
- JOMO is intentionally choosing what to keep and what to give.
- JOMO is choosing to ignore the Joneses (NOT just NOT keep up).
- JOMO is framing the moment to keep the big picture dream in focus.
- JOMO is the art of improved results with minimalism over maximalism.
You’re One Idea Away From Achieving Your Dreams
While You Read this Article, Your One Idea is that JOMO Will Help You Make the Most Important Things in Your Life Actually Happen
Simplicity is complex. It’s never simple to keep things simple. Simple solutions require the most advanced thinking.
1. JOMO is the Opposite of FOMO.
“One of the drawbacks about adventures is that when you come to the most beautiful places you are often too anxious and hurried to appreciate them.” ― C.S. Lewis
“FOMO” — the Fear of Missing Out — was officially added to the Oxford Dictionary (along with words like selfie and emoji) in 2013 defined as follows:
“Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.”
Who can deny that this is a real thing? Before social the feeling of missing out based on your neighbor’s achievements and doings was referred to as “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s human nature.
Do you have FOMO?
Here are some ways that FOMO shows up in our lives:
- You can’t decide what to do because there are so many options. You end up doing nothing and regretting it. Or, you try to do them all (or as many as you can) and end up not doing any of them well.
- You are MORE motivated to action by striving to NOT miss out on something someone else created than creating something on your own.
- You have a difficult time weighing opportunity costs (the cost of what you give up when you make a choice to do something else) and generally value all opportunities the same even though one opportunity may be drastically more valuable than the other.
What happens when we have FOMO is that the reality of a situation is tipped and misconstrued in our minds in our decision making process when we weigh it against how others will perceive us.
Under a FOMO mindset, you make fear-based decisions because you’re trying to play it safe.
We don’t want to lose socially or economically or politically and so we make decisions based on irrationally-vain status approvals instead of rationally intent-based added-value to our lives.
2. JOMO is Intentionally Choosing What to Keep and What to Give.
“You Can Do Anything If You Stop Trying To Do Everything.” — Oliver Emberton
What to Keep
Intent-based ideas get results.
I’m gonna say it again. Intent-based ideas get results. What’s an intent-based idea? An “intent-based idea” is a term I coined to describe the process of determined-ideation. Sorry. “Determined-ideation” is another term I invented for a similar concept. (I describe things in different ways with different words to help my various readers understand concepts where they are and at different levels.)
Intent-base ideas or determined-ideation is when an idea’s time has come, not because the world was ready, but because you made it your purpose to bring the idea to life and make the world ready.
What’s the difference between JOMO and FOMO again?
- JOMO is a lean life that allows you to move flexibly and intentionally through your universe to experience greater joy at speed.
- FOMO is what I call “life-hoarding” and keeps you stuck to your stuff, slow to action, and ironically, makes you miss out on greater joyful experiences.
- Under JOMO, you choose and keep the things in life that have a clear intent for a specific purpose (intent-based ideas / determined-ideation).
- Under FOMO, you try to keep everything in life with no intent to use it. FOMO clutters your mind-space to the point of exhaustion, leaving no bandwidth left, thus, you can’t effectively choose best choices.
JOMO requires self-awareness. Intent-based ideas require self-awareness. Practicing determined-ideation requires self-awareness.
In order to find the Joy Of Missing Out (JOMO), you must 1) be self-aware, 2) have intent to create and choose high-value experiences, 3) be equipped to measure opportunity cost accurately.
What to Give
Self-Awareness leads to Emotional Intelligence
When you learned the power of intent-based ideas and you know the process of determined-ideation, you know what to keep. This means you have a garage full of stuff you’ve been hoarding and you can give it away. Once you’ve given it away, you’ll find that you have excess capacity. With the newly-earned excess capacity, you have the ability to move from self-awareness to emotional intelligence. The increase in emotional intelligence allows you to give more of yourself to help others.
…with JOMO, you’ll have more time.
When you don’t feel like you’re missing out, you don’t.
When you understand that the curated-life does more good for you than the hoarded-life, you gain more mind-space, more bandwidth, more time and ironically when you have less, you have more to give — that’s JOMO.
3. JOMO is Choosing to Ignore the Joneses (NOT Just NOT Keep Up).
“Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other People” ― Meir Ezra
Who are you living for? Come on. I mean for real. Who are you living for? When you choose NOT to do something out of fear of rejection or starting too small or failing, who were you thinking of? That’s who you live for.
I’ll be honest. There was a time recently where I was working in an extremely toxic environment. I didn’t know that I’d been hired into a rat’s nest. Every day I felt the burn of cold eyes on my back, heard the gossip through the halls about the admin or other colleagues. I was asked to work at lower levels so as to not surpass the file leader who became jealous. I felt like I had to live at a lower level of existence to stay under the low sights of bad leaders. Have you ever had a similar experience?
In this instance, it was the opposite of what you might think keeping up with the Joneses is like, but it was still keeping up with the Joneses — or rather — stooping down with the Joneses.
Whether you’re comparing someones highlight reel to your blooper outtakes or you have a bad boss, landlord, group of friends, keeping you down…when you compare yourself to others and it makes you feel worse, you’re on the wrong path.
When you stop keeping up with the Joneses, you may still be watching them and this will make you worry. Instead, quit your job and work with better people. Life is too short. Move to another place where you can thrive. Block idiots on social media. You can get another job, another house, new friends, start new businesses. But do you know what you can’t get another one of? You’re freaking life.
“Don’t set your mind on things you don’t possess…but count the blessings you actually possess and think how much you would desire them if they weren’t already yours.” — Marcus Aurelius
There is nothing sweeter than not caring at all what other people are doing or think of you. Guess what, there’s an incredible joy that comes with not knowing what other people are up to. Guess what else, there is power is not caring what other people are up to.
Ballers don’t care. They don’t have time. The Joneses will wish they were you when you don’t care…but don’t care about that! :-)
Take your life to another level by ignoring the Joneses altogether.
4. JOMO is Framing the Moment to Keep the Big Picture Dream in Focus.
“Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.” ― Zig Ziglar
Your most important moment is right now because it’s the only moment you have.
We don’t live in the past. We don’t live in the future. We live in the now. Life isn’t a direct trajectory to the top of where you want to be. Life is more like music notes on a page: ups and downs with a beginning and end and dancing in-between. Life is music. Life is a dance.
Now, imagine taking a picture with a camera or your cellphone. You can take a picture of anything you want and at anytime. However, whatever you take a picture of is framed within the bounds of the lense and the rest of the world is cut out. The real question is, why did you take that picture? What will you do with it? Why does it matter? Or, does it not matter at all.
Your life is the sum of the pictures you take.
(I don’t mean this literally.)
The things that you put into focus are your life.
(What do you have in focus right now?)
Your life is created by what you keep out of the frame.
I work with a lot of people in many industries. Social media is always a part of the game. Life on social is defined and framed by squares and rectangles. However, if you choose, social media is no fame game. No click bait. No fluff.
Social for me is deep. Words matter. The influence is real. It’s a longer road in social media to go deep and definitely not always fun, but it’s real. And real feels good. And good is good. Depth is better than breadth.
Screw it all.
Take your time.
Care a lot.
Act with urgency.
You don’t have time to wait.
(Those statements aren’t opposite.)
Here’s how you frame the moment:
Create a big picture dream.
Work towards it.
It should be big enough to take years to achieve.
Act immediately now on the small things to get there.
Small things snowball into big picture dreams.
When you reach one mountain peak, you see another.
You go to the bottom of the new mountain and climb again.
Frame every moment like a brushstroke to create your masterpiece.
5. JOMO is the Art of Improved Results with Minimalism Over Maximalism.
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” — Leonardo da Vinci
Minimalists tend to double results over maximalists.
Imagine yourself climbing a high mountain in the Alps filled with stuff you don’t need. It’s heavy. It’s arduous. It’s actually wasteful. It’s a waste of energy, strength and even resources (when you consider opportunity cost) to have all that stuff in your bag. It would have been better to climb with nothing or at least only that which was needed. Or…to have hired a sherpa. :-)
You can overprepare.
You can have too much stuff.
You can overcomplicate.
Overpreparedness has stopped you your whole life from doing what you want to do.
You’ve spend way too much time accumulating things you don’t need that will never help you get to where you want to be. They are accumulating dust as you read this article.
You’ve overcomplicated everything because of your fear of missing out, your fear of failing, your fear of being wrong or looking stupid…when the answer has always been simple:
Wanna Get JOMO In Your Life?
Transform your mind, life and business with this free 76 day challenge (the number of days my baby lived) to level up your JOMO. This challenge been taken by thousands and thousands of people with great success. You’ll love it. I also am grateful for you taking the time to check it out and experiment JOMO for yourself.