What Burning Man has taught me. A Saudi woman
On August 25th I boarded a plane, headed to the U.S., to attend Burning Man.
It’s the first time I’ve ever had an issue flying. Usually I’m traveling for business on behalf of a American Fortune 500 company, which has always allowed me to glide through immigration. But this time was completely different. I quickly found myself being questioned about my beliefs.
An American officer stopped me and asked whether I knew anything about the Quran. He asked if I knew how many times the Quran mentions the killing of non believers. He asked if I understood that women are suppressed in Saudi Arabia.
To all this I answered that religions are fundamentally the same. They all view killing as a crime, including the Quran. I also asserted to him that I am a free and independent woman. But I don’t hate that man. If anything, my experience at Burning Man pulled back the curtains that clouded the truth: I saw just how much we’re taught to segregate each other based on our belief systems, social status, gender, or sexual orientation. I saw how the pressure of society splinters the hope we have to connect with people who are different than ourselves.
“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ~ Albert Einstein
Radical ritual or perhaps radical connection?
Burning Man’s theme this year was the Radical Ritual. The idea was to break down society’s dogmas and creeds and be touched by the faith of the living world. After my experience, burning man became the ultimate ritual. This year I made connections with others that felt instantaneous. The first was my RV mate. An amazing sisterhood was born out of our time together and I feel it was because Burning Man opens you up to the power of connection.
One of the biggest reasons I practice rituals is because of the effect it has on my productivity and happiness. But I had never considered how a sense of belonging could become an endless fountain of happiness and a reason for being.
According to renowned psychologist Matthew Lieberman we have a basic, fundamental need to feel a connection with other people. He argues that it’s more essential than our need for food, or even shelter. He even goes so far as to say that Maslow’s hierarchy of need was wrongly based on the physical rather than the social needs. And after spending a week living in hard desert conditions, where every comfort of society was scarce and my physical limits were tested, I agree with him.
Our connections with others motivates us to do more with our lives, work harder, dream bigger and enjoy life alongside friends and family. Gathering social skills and connections is the key to challenging yourself, growing as a person and being all around happier and more productive. This proves that social bonds are multipliers of analytical and thinking skills, this is true for great teachers and leaders they posses both equally. It’s those incredible human connections that allow you and your life experience to grow and blossom.
Black Rock City is a place that you can entirely be yourself with no judgment or fear of being criticized. The 10 principles of Burning Man promote connection. The 10 principles — radical inclusion, gifting, radical self-expression, communal effort, civic responsibility, participation, immediacy leaving no trace and decommodification, and radical self-reliance — create a community that is primed to engage and connect with each other on the deepest levels.
Brené Brown describes connection “as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
In a Forbes interview she answered a question about society’s crisis of disconnection:
“If I had to identify one core variable that magnifies our compulsion to sort ourselves into factions while at the same time cutting ourselves off from real connection with other people, my answer would be fear. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of the pain of disconnection. Fear of criticism and failure. Fear of conflict. Fear of not measuring up.”
Social pain is real pain. The pain of rejection in adults is one example and the social separation of infants from caregivers is true as it manifest the importance of connection early on. We were not brought up by the idea of connecting to learn, grow, to be brighter and better.
Antony Robbins highlights the need for love and connection as a basic human need. He stresses that its a basic need for every personality.
I think a big component of this disconnection is the rise of social media platforms. In Burning Man, there are no social media networks. You are entirely disconnected for a whole week. No phone calls and no internet.
How Burning Man cultivate connections
The sunrises which I praise for always bringing the best in us and helping us achieve our purpose and reason for being were amplified at Burning Man. When I turned around and looked at people, it was a vision without equal. Floating across that great ocean of desert (the playa) were a sea of people existing in radical self-expression. Absolutely comfortable in their own skin. Exposed and vulnerable. They felt no judgement, only acceptance from their surroundings. This nourished my heart , the simple act of looking into people’s eyes, smiling and receiving the most genuine of smiles in return. Hugs, kisses and gifts. Heart warming conversations. I connected with many many people this year just by doing that. Sounds pretty simple yet so profound, right?
I have always struggled with my sense of belonging because I have always found it hard to connect (it just became apparent to me). I think this is primarily due to the social restrictions and cultural rules of the environment in which I lived. I have repeatedly questioned that construct growing up and struggled with having to abide to it blindly. I was not able to grow until I was able to spread my wings outside my environment. There I found it easier to blend in and connect with others. That being said, I still found it hard to connect in places were authenticity lacked this was apparent in the corporate world.
But at Burning Man, the weight of those restrictions fell away.
Perhaps Marian Goodell, Burning Man CEO, does the best at capturing what Burning Man is about in her Ted Talk. Burning Man is NOT a music festival, or a place to get drunk, do drugs, have sex, and dance…sure, some choose to do all of this, but in its truest essence Burning Man is a transformative experience that changes you forever.
Lacking connection in the default world
As I left the United States, I could not help but to wonder about the gigantic gaps we create and are creating in our everyday world. We segregate each other based on belief systems, social status, gender and sexual orientation. I feel fortunate for having to experience Burning Man, honored for being a member of such an outstanding community that is based on pure human connection and love. I lived it for a whole week, and everyday my soul hungers to return. Yet I made a decision to take this love and connection with me into the normal world, into my day-to-day life. Burning Man has taught me to live authentically, to bravely live my truth despite my surroundings.
It has been three weeks since our return and my mind and soul are still trapped there, buzzing with overwhelming emotions — mostly love. The first time I went (2016), my brother told me: I can’t believe my sister went to an orgie! And my immediate response was, Burning Man is what you make it. It can be a self-discovery, spiritual, creative, holy, artsy or any other experience you wish to pursue. You name it, as my dear friend Teeba who has introduced me to all this always says, “the burn gives you what you need and not what you want”.
As I passed through immigration on, the American officer’s final question to me was about who will I be at Burning Man.., I answered “a goddess”. Thinking about it now, I wish to be a goddess of love and connection in a world of disconnection. This year I was granted my “playa” name: “people’s magnet” (which I have rephrased into “Magneta”).
I have to say that I am not the same person that went to Burning Man in 2016, I am also not the same person that went a few weeks back.
Be the change in your surroundings. Be the person who awakens others to the power of connection. Be the one who brings a deeper bond of connection into your every day life.. Trust me it will give you a great sense of happiness and joy.
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