What I’ve Learned About Relationships

As a Couples Therapist — Part I

Relationships are complicated. Let’s start with one human brain: one of the most complex structures that we know of in the universe. Though we talk about them as if they were two things, our brains and bodies are interlaced and inseparable. Emotions come about through an interplay of body and brain.

Emotions and emotional reactions are complex, recursive, and multi-layered.

So far I have just been talking about one brain/body. Now add a second person! Social interactions, including intimate relationships with our families of origin, current partners, other life-experiences, and all of the cross-currents between these, raise the level of complexity geometrically. Then add the effects of language. As much as we would like to think that language is exact, it is not. The ambiguities in language can muddy the waters considerably. Even trying to describe the complexities of relationships in words as I am here is necessarily extremely limited and over-simplified.

So as delightful, fulfilling, and loving as relationships can be, they also must be expected to have their difficulties. If you are struggling in your relationship you’re not alone. If you’re struggling more than occasionally, seeing an experienced…