What Pixar can teach us about fear…
I could throw a bunch of excuses at you: I could tell you how I was really silly to promise weekly blogging, days before travelling to Brazil for the Christmas break. I could tell you I fell ill on my return and couldn’t muster the energy to even look at my notepad. I could tell you that I’ve been busy with work and friends and life and that I just haven’t had a single moment to dedicate any solid time to this process.
But that wouldn’t be entirely honest. The truth is, I’ve been prioritising everything else except this book and this blog. Not because it matters least… but because it matters most. What I’m learning is that sometimes the voice disguises herself: sometimes she sounds exactly like rational, practical, thoughtful me.
As you know from my last post, I am on a quest to get to know this voice well, and definitely not ignore her. What I’ve noticed recently from digging deeper and listening harder, is that she isn’t always out to get me- in fact most of the time she’s just genuinely looking out for me:
“You deserve this holiday; you work so hard. Slow down and relax.”
“The main priority for you right now is sleep. Just drink honey and lemon tea and go to bed.”
“You haven’t seen your friends since before you went away- they are good for your soul, catch up with them and have fun.”
And thank God- sometimes we need her to do exactly that. She’s the same person who screams “watch out for that bus!” when we’re crossing the road, and the same person who squeals, “wear gloves, it’ll hurt!” when we’re taking the apple pie out of the oven.
Pixar’s Inside Out does an amazing job of showing us exactly why this voice is important:
Yes, they call him Fear.
What’s interesting is that if you look closely throughout the film, you’ll notice that Fear is not the leading emotion for any of the main characters. In fact, he is the leading emotion for only one character in the whole film: the bully at Riley’s school. What this tells me — even if she has the honest intention of keeping me safe — is that she shouldn’t ever be in total control.
I could’ve written on my laptop during the flight, but instead I played ‘Who wants to be a Millionaire?’ on the in-flight entertainment. I could’ve worked on my story book in bed while ill, but instead I watched episode after episode of Law and Order SVU. And I could’ve spent some time seeing my friends whilst also carving out an evening or two (like I am right now) to do the work. I’m not trying to punish myself for my decisions- I am shedding light on the things we do (or don’t do) as a result of fear. And whether it’s obvious or not, that’s really what stopped me from making progress over the past month- nothing else.
You see, the truth is, I want to write this children’s book. I actually want to share what I’m learning with the world. This makes me happy and fulfilled and proud. When I let fear lead, I actually suppress those feelings. When I let fear lead, I don’t challenge myself, or make myself vulnerable. When I let fear lead, I’m unkind, destructive and incapable of connection. When I let fear lead, I drastically slow down my ability to be creative and grow as a person.
Sure, fear is important sometimes — yes — necessary even. We shouldn’t deny her existence because most of the time, she means well. But the point is, fear shouldn’t have the authority over the things we do in life. Fear should never be leading the way… There’s far too much to lose.
As I’ve said before, the reality is that this process is hard. And sometimes really knowing and understanding how she works (inside and out) isn’t going to be enough to get you through all by yourself. That’s why having someone hold you accountable for the work you deeply desire to do is absolutely crucial- it’s definitely been majorly important for me.
No matter who you are — whether you call her ‘the voice’, or Fear, or nothing at all — surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed, and be that person to someone else.
Because we weren’t brought into this world to do any of this alone.
Tessa Blencowe is an accredited Counsellor based in Wollongong, Australia. She has experience guiding clients through a wide range of challenges, including career, relationships, identity, stress, isolation, change, self-esteem, grief and loss. Reach out via her website to find out more: https://www.tessacounselling.com/
