When We Say #MeToo, We Mean It!
To those wondering… it is really as bad as it sounds!
I was first sexually abused by an uncle when I was 12 years old, in my house, while my parents were present. He had a daughter of his own by that time.
I accurately remember what I was wearing, when and where it happened, where he touched me, how helpless I felt and how I locked myself in the bathroom and cried silently afterwards.
30 years later, I finally made a statement to myself and quit a family Whatsapp group in which he is present. I’m no longer in tune with fam talk, but at least I don’t relive nasty memories just because I see his name pop up on my phone!
I was an average nerd with very few friends at 12. Between my thick glasses and my neatly combed oily hair, I was totally nerdy. Like boys-want-nothing-to-do-with-me nerdy.
I grew up in an over protective house. I was never allowed to have sleepovers or even hang out with friends after school hours.
And yet, it happened to me.
My parents were busy worrying about the boy two doors down they thought was ogling at me, crazy random guys who might accidentally brush against me on a bus and snobby rich boys who might eve tease at co-ed school events!
Every girl friend of mine has been abused. Every single one of them.
If you were middle class and rode the bus, men tried to grope you “accidentally” all the time.
If you were richer and were driven in a car instead, the driver or the servant took advantage of you.
But most of all, respected men known to the family, who may have even been designated as caretakers, did it. All. The. Fucking. Time.
But none of us spoke about this to anyone. Until now.
I was afraid of being blamed for being the victim.
“What were you wearing?”
“Did you make eye contact with him?”
“Why were you there in the first place?”
“Did you respond to him?”
Or even “Are you sure? There’s no way he’d do that!”
The questions that would follow were endless. And I was afraid of them.
For generations, we’ve viewed the solution to sexual abuse as more suppression of women. It has been about telling women that it was our fault that it happened.
That we should have been more careful. That we should have avoided certain places. That we should have dressed more conservative. That we should have walked with our heads down.
It is high time we brought a societal change to the way we view women and the sexual behaviors of men towards us.
No, it is NOT okay to hide behind gender and say that men are predisposed to looking at women a certain way.
No, consent is NOT optional, no matter who the other person is.
No, the boundary is NOT blurry — stop and pay attention if you think it is!
And most of all, stop blaming the victim! Women are not the instigators of sexual abuse by men!
I’m grateful for witnessing and being part of this #MeToo movement in my lifetime. I’m proud of all the women who’ve found their voices and have mustered the courage to talk about their experiences. And I’m happy I’ve found my voice to speak up too.
If a nerdy protected girl like me has a story of abuse, almost anyone does. It’s demoralizing, it’s demeaning, it’s infuriating… most of all, it’s all too real!
Some men have started speaking up against it. Kudos to them!
A LOT more of them have to do it before we can see change. But I’m finally hopeful for our grandchildren after all!
To all my girl friends who have experienced abuse… I speak for all of us ❤️
