You cannot love others more than you love yourself

Let me repeat this. You cannot love others more than you love yourself. They say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. There was no better moment for me to read this. The phrase was in Brene Brown’s book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection.’

It is not an opinion. It came out of Brene’s 10-year research on shame and wholeheartedness. She interviewed thousands of participants. You probably do not want to hear it. You want to love your kids, your partner, your friends. But, you find it hard to love yourself.

The concept that I cannot love others more than I love myself was mind-blowing for me. It was not something I had thought much until I read it. It immediately rang true.

When I grew up, I was taught that self-sacrifice was proof of love, especially towards our children. I would have to set myself free from that belief. Yes, parental instinct trumps self-preservation. That is why parents would take a bullet to save their kids. Yet, they will often hurt their children’s feelings over spilled milk.

Unloving behavior towards your loved ones mostly stems from the problems you have with yourself. Tiredness, anger, perfectionism, shame, and anxiety get in the way of love.

Not loving yourself can prevent you from forming healthy relationships. Insecure…