First Date/Last Date

My brother set me up with one of his friends before I moved to LA. She was close with my future roommate and shared my interest in “thrifting,” so it seemed like a natural connection. Very hip and cool. After a few weeks of meandering text and phone conversations, we decided to hang out during my UCLA visit.

Our meetup was casual. She showed me around campus and took me to Westwood for a quick bite, then we called it an evening. My host passed out early and I didn’t have keys, so she invited me over to play Settlers of Catan with her roommates until 2 am. No booze, no making out.

A few more weeks went by as we continued to talk around a first date. She was planning to visit family in the Bay Area but didn’t mention hanging out. I finally got the hint and asked her to set aside time.

We drove out to Sonoma County to check out a Yelp-rated food truck and my second favorite Ritual Coffee location. The food truck was fine, the coffee was phenomenal.

This was our first “date.”

On the drive back, she told me about her family. Her cousin also happened to be mixed Chinese. He would probably agree with a lot of my points, she insisted, urging me to meet him.

Sure, I could use more allies in my life.

Our plans, like our conversations, were in fluid. Instead of calling it early, she asked me to dinner. Her cousin would be there. Meeting family already? This wasn’t a date, I reminded myself. And we definitely weren’t dating.

I was still trying to make sense of everything as we walked around the neighborhood near the restaurant. Given our preference for indirectness, she probably was too.

The look on her face when we met her family confirmed my suspicions. Up until that moment, nothing forced her to publicly define us. Now the pressure was on to set the tone.

“This is my friend, he’s mixed.”

That was our last “date.”

Please share your stories. Inspire a friend, brighten their day or get them engaged. To contribute your story, please send a message or submission (500 words or less) to James at themixedmessagemedia (at) gmail.com.