Here’s what I learned after practicing Stoicism for a year…
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.”
~Marcus Aurelius
Few people are familiar with the philosophy known as Stoicism. In fact, if you were to ask someone what their first impression would be of a stoic, they would likely go by Google’s definition of someone who endures pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining. Stoicism is more than that. In this article, I share some of my experiences practicing Stoicism over the past year or so. While a year barely scratches the surface, the impact of adopting this philosophy has been so profound in my life that I cannot help but reflect on how it has changed me for the better. The goal here isn’t to sell you a book or two about the stoic way of thinking. So, if at any point during this article you feel like that’s what’s happening, know that you’re reading a Marketing graduate’s work who isn’t too bad at what he does for a living.
A Bit about Stoicism….
I credit a significant proportion of my understanding of Stoicism to Ryan Holiday. Author of numerous best-selling books such as ‘The Obstacle is the Way’, ‘Stillness is the Key’ and ‘The Daily Stoic’; reading his content provided me with a sound understanding of some of the essential Stoic principles. You can find his content on Medium here.
Stoicism is an ancient philosophical school of thought that was popular in the west amongst individuals of varying demographics who shared one thing in common: to pursue a better life. Founded by Zeno of Citium in 3rd century BC, the Stoicism involves the rightful mastery of one’s own emotions through perseverance, self-discipline and wisdom that can help us live a more fulfilled life. History bears testimony to countless successful modern individuals who adopted Stoicism as their way of life in some form or another. People like George Washington, Adam Smith, Immanuel Kant, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, Margaret Thatcher and many more.
At its core, Stoicism has 4 key virtues:
- Courage: To be willing and able to face any obstacles that stand in your way
- Temperance: To be able to practice self-discipline and moderation in all areas of life
- Justice: To do the right thing, and to never cause to another individual because doing so is to cause harm to yourself
- Wisdom: To remain a student forever through humility. To always aspire to learn from everyone around you, because everyone knows or has been through something that’s new to you.
Everything that an aspiring stoic does in his/her life must abide by one or more of these virtues. Now, you might be thinking that this sounds quite broad and generic. Or, you might be asking, how does one exactly practice these virtues? After all, it’s not exactly the most tangible of things like practicing an instrument or a sport.
The truth is that there isn’t one fixed way of practicing Stoicism. One of the things I love about this philosophy and how it’s presented in many of the books I’ve come across, is that it’s never presented in a way that insinuates how it is meant to change your life. Recently I wrote an article on the world of toxic positivity and self-help, where I talk about the many self-help books out there that try to convince you to read them, promising to change your life. That’s not the case with Stoicism. It’s more about what the ancient stoics did, how it helped them, and how modern humans can adopt the same principles to improve their lives.
Prior to stoicism, I used be quite the over-thinker. Overthinking for me was my way of visualising possible future events in the hopes of being better prepared for them, if they were to actually happen. I used to picture negative scenarios taking place in my studies, work and relationships. If something that I hadn’t visualised were to happen, I would panic and would enter this vicious cycle of overthinking about how I kept overthinking, even though it didn’t help. Basically, overthinking was detrimental to my mental health and I wasn’t able to stop it.
Until Stoicism.
The Dichotomy of Control
One of the cornerstones of Stoicism, is the ability to differentiate between what’s within our control, and what’s beyond our control. I remember taking a moment to sit down to think, and think hard about everything that happens in my life. Everything with my friends, family, relationship, that random person I had a brief interaction with, etc. Soon, I began to realise that there isn’t really anything that I truly have control over. I didn’t control how my friends and family think, or what they say. I didn’t control whether or not someone decides to be rude to me for no obvious reason. I didn’t control the weather, whether it decides to be sunny and pleasant, or cold and windy. One of the most important practices in Stoicism, is to acknowledge and accept the fact that the only thing that’s within our control, is our mind. Our mind, and how we choose to respond to everything happening around us.
One of my favourite Stoic quotes goes something like:
“It isn’t events that disturb people but only their judgments about them.”
~Epictetus
No one has the right to harm us or offend us, and so no one can harm or offend us unless we allow them to. It wasn’t until I took my time reflecting on this principle that I slowly experienced more peace with myself and my thoughts. Every time I was anxious about something and was on the verge of overthinking, I paused and thought to myself, is this really in my control? We all make mistakes, but regret and disappointment didn’t help in any meaningful way. I can’t go back in time and change what happened. What I can do is learn from my mistake and move on, ensuring it doesn’t happen again. Chapter closed.
Everything that used to bother me didn’t bother me any longer, because I knew that worrying about things that I had no control over was futile and didn’t accomplish anything. When it came to those things that were in fact within my control, I used the ‘in the past’ idea that what’s done is done, learn from it and move on. As you can probably guess, I found it increasingly difficult and rare to become angry, anxious, upset or offended because nothing seemed to bother me anymore. While this may sound like I stopped caring and became apathetic, this wasn’t the case. I was just able to differentiate between the battles I could win, and those that I couldn’t.
In the practice of Stoicism, everything in life is considered an opportunity. An opportunity to grow. The only thing we control is our perceptions and if we can look at every impediment, every problem as a means to something bigger, there’s nothing that can cause us distress. A common saying in Stoicism is that of ‘Amor Fati’, or the love for fate, described by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzche. It’s the idea that everything happens for a reason. You don’t have to believe in destiny, just know that most of what happens around us isn’t good or bad, it just…happens amorally.
We decide what to make of them.
Killing the Ego
Another profound experience I’ve had, possible the most riveting amongst all of my 3 years learning and improving myself, was understanding my ego and burying it deep. Revisiting the Stoic virtue of wisdom, there’s another quote by Epictetus that echoes with this idea:
“Throw out your conceited opinions, for it is impossible for you to begin to learn what you think you already know.”
In one of his best-selling books titled ‘Ego is the Enemy’, Ryan Holiday shares his experiences with fame, wealth and success and how he realised that they weren’t in fact as elusive as the world made them seem. I don’t remember resonating this much with a book in a long time, and I’ve completed over 30 titles in the past 3 years.
‘Ego is the Enemy’ utilises certain Stoic ideologies, combined with brilliant anecdotal references to illustrate the consequences of having an ego. Holiday talks about how the root cause of all our problems in life, whether that be involving our knowledge, career, health or relationships stems from our ego. The inflated sense of self importance so many of us tend to have, inhibits our ability to build a healthy bond with one another. I can recall countless incidents where I entered arguments solely for the sake of emerging as the ‘winner’, hoping to assert some form of petty dominance over the other person. What I really was doing, was concealing the innate insecurity within myself that I just wasn’t good enough.
I often come across people who say that having an ego is important if you want to be successful, to which I strongly disagree. If one is able to differentiate, and draw the line between ambition and confidence, versus ego, then success can be attained without any of the negative consequences associated with being egotistic. Ego brings with it insecurity, pride, envy, anxiety, anger, pretty much every negative emotion one can think of.
For me, acknowledging my ego and accepting that it needed to be buried was the first step. I internalised the fact that I am not entitled to anything. The world doesn’t owe me anything. The company that I’m desperately applying for, doesn’t owe me a job. The course that I’m studying for, doesn’t owe me a high grade. The girl who I find attractive, doesn’t owe me her attention. It’s our egos that trick us into thinking we deserve better treatment than others. The idea that we’re better than everyone else. This wreaked havoc on my relationships with those around me, leaving me weak and miserable. Stoicism helped me deal with this, as I internalised my insecurities, embraced my ideals and began looking at things through a different lens.
To wrap up…
These were two of the many Stoic principles that I use to practice Stoicism, and how it has become the guiding philosophy in my life. It has changed me in a way like none other. In case you’re wondering if I wear glasses, have my hair grown to shoulder length and wear a long gown with a cross-strap bag as most stereotypical philosophers, I don’t. Not yet at least.
I believe each of us has a guiding philosophy that dictates our actions, we just don’t know it yet. Stoicism goes far beyond that of what a 21 year old can express in one article after one year of practice. As I mentioned before, there’s a lot more to learn and many more mistakes likely to be made. The only difference now, is that the mistakes I make serve only as a catalyst.
Like fuel, to the flame.
