My 4-Year-Old Has Mad Detective Skills
Children hear & understand so much!
My 4-year-old is a professional at eavesdropping. I’m becoming increasingly aware of how much she catches on to when my husband and I are talking in hushed tones, trying to be discreet. She has a friend’s birthday party coming up, which I was purposely trying to keep under wraps as I knew, should she find out, she’d begin a minute-by-minute countdown which would consume her thoughts and result in persistent questioning. I’ve learned from experience that providing an hourly report on how far away upcoming events are is a much more tiring task than it might first appear. Yes, it’s still two weeks away. No, that hasn’t changed in the last hour. Anyway, she overheard me mention her friend’s name in connection to the word ‘birthday’ and, of course, Detective Mini. Sherlock figured it all out.
Children listen to so much more than we think. My daughter often approaches me with questions regarding something she’s overheard. Oops, I think, I didn’t know you were listening. Obviously, some subjects are not universally rated and require a ban till after the watershed. But there are going to be other things, things we were just talking about quietly, that are going to be overheard. This isn’t always a bad thing, in fact, I would argue it can be a good thing, depending on the subject and how willing we are to answer any questions that may come of it. My daughter has heard the word ‘death’ several times from myself, the TV, the radio, and other children and adults. She was always going to ask about it, it was just a matter of when. There was never a way to keep the subject of death from her and to be honest, we live in a world where we have to talk about these things openly and honestly. I could wait until she’s ten, but she’s asking already and I want to respect her by answering her questions. Death is difficult, death is sad but death is normal. Talking about the tough things is part of life and as a parent I have a responsibility to help my daughter begin to understand the world we are part of.
We don’t have to provide all the answers. We can’t, even if we want to, because we don’t always have them. But talking is key. Our children likely understand way more than we give them credit for, and it’s respectful to help them mull over any questions they have. It’s not always helpful to give an in-depth analysis and it’s not always necessary. But, approaching children at their level, explaining something in simple and authentic terms, and beginning an ongoing dialogue that they can come back to throughout life, is a sign of respect and love that they’ll appreciate in years to come.
As for keeping upcoming birthday events secret, good luck with that.
