What Do Invisible Working Mothers Need From Their Employers?
It doesn’t need to be this way
If you’re a working mother, you know the stress is real. Between the demands of motherhood and career, stress levels among women are particularly high. Significantly higher than men, it turns out. The fact is that more labor is expected of you in the home and the office. And it’s not just that you’re doing more. When you take on unacknowledged work day after day, you start to feel underappreciated — and invisible.
The Invisible Working Mother
Let’s break down everything you’re taking on: First, there’s unpaid labor at home. Household duties typically fall to the mom. If you aren’t the one to take on these tasks, they often fade into the background. But if you’re the one who’s cleaning, shopping, cooking, or arranging childcare, you know how much mental (and physical) energy these tasks take.
As a woman, you’re more likely to experience daily microaggressions. These are the little comments, often labeled as “jokes,” that wear down your confidence. If you’ve ever been labeled as “bossy” or “aggressive” in a meeting simply for speaking up, you know what I mean. Women are more likely to dilute their assertiveness in meetings or try to be the ultimate “team player.” In other words, women actively find ways to make everyone else feel comfortable. It’s no surprise that women are struggling to take on leadership positions.
On top of your career, you’re doing the work of motherhood — and it’s tough work. As a mother, you instinctively think about others for much of the day. You understand the responsibility of putting others ahead of you, which can also translate to your work tasks. Between the demands of career and motherhood, it’s easy to lose yourself in the shuffle.
Even celebrations can be stressful. You’re more likely to downplay workplace or personal achievements. Why? When a woman celebrates, she’s seen as “unladylike.” Just look at the backlash Megan Rapinoe experienced after celebrating a World Cup match win against Thailand.
Ultimately, a big part of your stress comes from navigating these challenges alone. It’s easy to feel isolated when your work isn’t acknowledged, respected, or celebrated. Viewing these challenges as a systemic problem — not an individual one — will turn the tide. You deserve recognition for all you do.
What Your Employer Can Do to Help
There are valid reasons you’re feeling overlooked and underappreciated as a working mother. The good news is that it doesn’t need to be this way. There are tangible things your employer can do to make things better. Pass along these three tips to help your company’s leadership team help working mothers:
1. Ask the important questions.
Start simple. Employers should engage working mothers in honest conversations about the challenges they’re facing. They should ask questions that prioritize working mothers’ needs. For example, what are their schedules like? What hidden workloads are they struggling to manage? What childcare responsibilities are they juggling? Most importantly: What do they need to succeed?
2. Prioritize women’s health.
When women don’t get the physical or mental health resources they need, workplaces are majorly impacted. Moreover, since the start of the pandemic, mothers have struggled more than fathers with burnout and other mental health issues. Whether it’s providing time and space for breastfeeding, connecting employees with mental health services or offering paid time off for crucial medical screenings, attending to the health needs of working mothers will make for stronger workplaces overall.
3. Close the unpaid labor gap.
Working moms need benefits that actually help close the unpaid labor gap. Employers must start with workplace flexibility. Many women are exiting the workforce because they can’t find childcare. A flexible work schedule could be the solution they need. Maybe working mothers need later start times to get their kids to school or an option to work from home when emergencies come up. Employers should also consider other benefits working mothers might need, such as childcare stipends.
As a working mother, you know how stressful your days can be. With these steps, you can encourage your employer to start addressing the systemic issues holding women back. Hopefully, with support in place, you’ll no longer need to fight to be seen.
