Kindness is Everything
Parenting involves juggling a lot of different things — the mundane ones, such as making sure your kids are fed and clothed, but also those slightly higher on the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, like trying to raise solid human beings who, through self-actualization, can propel the world forward and make it a better place for all. Sure, no pressure…
This year has thrown in some additional wrenches in the wheels, begging the question,
What is it that we really want our kids to learn this year and beyond?
- Should we use the time in quarantine to introduce them to some extra chores and immerse them into more responsibilities? not a bad idea, and not just this year…
- Should we attempt to regulate screen time? hm… right!
- Should we use all the challenges to teach the kids resiliency and how nothing in life is guaranteed? good one, why not?
- Is this year best presented as a lesson in grateful living? absolutely!
Through all the emotional ups and downs, focusing only on those things that felt truly important became more vital than ever, and often the only way to get through the day.
Some things just outright lost their priority in our life— watching movies or playing a board game together as a family became more important than sticking to a strict bedtime routine. Skipping baths some nights also seemed like a very healing practice for all — one less thing for us parents to do, one more way for the kids to feel like they have the freedom of choice. It seems trivial, perhaps, paradoxical (and, to some, irresponsible), but relaxing some of the routines or bending some rules here and there can serve as a boost of goodwill between kids and parents. We are all human. We all get tired. We all should try to do better.
In times of danger, our bodies have a smart way to direct energy traffic — some systems not immediately needed for survival shut down temporarily (like the digestive system) to give more vital functions a chance to thrive (like eyesight or muscle reaction time due to increased blood flow). Similarly, our psyche protects us — our brains are super smart and will always choose the path of least resistance. In parenting, and in time of COVID, that may mean focusing on those aspects that we most want to see in our children, those seemingly simple (yet oh-so-hard) concepts that they will encounter and use again and again.
With the stress of the pandemic, all of us having more things to juggle, and all of our routines upended, I found myself repeating one word more and more often, like a mantra — “KINDNESS”…
When the girls could not agree on which cartoon to watch together or which story to read at bedtime — “BE KIND TO EACH OTHER,” was all I could come up with.
When our oldest suddenly became very protective of her glue gun and other craft supplies, I started lecturing on the importance of sharing, especially with those more vulnerable than us, like her younger sister. Catching the sight of their two pink faces, however — one from aggravation and anger, the other from frustration and embarrassment, both completely separated by their opposite views on justice — I stopped mid-sentence. “KINDNESS; ACT WITH KINDNESS…” Within minutes, and without any further input from me, a truce was achieved on the basis of carefully drafted rules on borrowing each other’s crafts, … and books, … and clothes.
Even for myself, I felt that focusing on this one thing helped me remember that, instead of jumping into an angry response or anxious thoughts or fear and resentment, finding kindness toward another person brought out something masked by all the stress — understanding. Of self. Of others.
During one of my walks of solitude (I have to take walks to stay sane!), I almost ran across the street without looking both ways (very glad my girls were not with me to witness such foolishness). Something caught my attention in one of the neighboring yards. It was a sign. It was the sign on the picture at the top of this page. I had to reread it later to get all the lines, but the line on the very bottom — “KINDNESS IS EVERYTHING” — was one that stunned me. Simple. Encompassing. It rang very true. Without hesitation, I took a picture of the sign, yet also took it to heart that we were on the right track. Kindness truly seemed to be the answer.
