Parent Guilt: What Is It?
Do you ever feel as a parent that you aren’t doing enough for your kids? When you have to leave your child to go to work, do you feel bad? Do you wish you were the other parents who appear to have everything under control? If so, you could suffer from parental guilt, also known as maternal guilt, mother guilt, mom guilt, or dad guilt.
Features of Parental Guilt
- Feeling like you need to be fully in both parental and work modes.
- Feeling like you need to do something better.
- Always having a long to-do list but feeling like you’re only able to do the bare minimum to get by.
- Feeling as though you’re juggling one too many things.
- Not being able to enjoy time with your children.
- Stressing over work and the status of your company/career.
- Not having any time for yourself.
- Not being able to do any hobbies or activities you enjoy.
- Experiencing anxiety or depression.
- Having trouble sleeping or eating.
- Feeling tired and stressed all the time.
- Straining your relationships at home, at work, and with friends.
While anybody can suffer parent guilt, some populations may be more vulnerable to it than others:
- New parents. For the first time, new parents must balance these two tasks. With the first kid, the conflict between the roles frequently feels heavier.
- Single parents. People who are the only providers and caregivers are under higher pressure to give up their careers or parenting responsibilities. Additionally, single parents are more likely to confront the boundaries of their ability to perform each role and face making tough choices.
- Parents with fewer resources. Parents with limited finances sometimes work several jobs or long hours to support their children financially. However, when working, they frequently feel guilty for not being present with them physically and emotionally.
The Roots of Parental Guilt
— Internal pressures. Parents frequently have high standards for themselves. A child is a full-time job in and of itself. Being a parent and working at the same time requires a significant amount of adjustment and responsibility for which few previous experiences could adequately prepare you.
— External pressures. There is frequently a lot of external pressure to be the ideal parent. However, many parents believe that these expectations are impossible and unrealistic. Employers that demand the same level of job performance from workers, despite the significant pressures and difficulties they confront as parents add to this strain.
Impact of Parent Guilt
— Compensating in other ways. Parents frequently make up for their guilt and absence from their children by providing them with more material or monetary compensation to alleviate their feelings of guilt and demonstrate their love in concrete ways.
— Feeling like a failure. Because they perceive themselves as failures in the careers they formerly excelled at and their new duties as parents, some parents may have much-decreased self-worth.
Managing Parental Guilt
- Find out what triggers you. Pay attention to the recurring ideas that make you feel bad or critical of yourself. You can manage your feelings of guilt better if you can pinpoint their causes.
- Rephrase your thoughts. Make a deliberate effort to reframe negative ideas that are causing you to feel guilty if you recognize them. For example, instead of feeling guilty while at work, remind yourself that you are there to support your child.
- Be sure to adjust your expectations. Due to time and energy limitations, there may be some things you need help to perform. You may reduce your guilt by readjusting your expectations and acknowledging your limitations.
- Stay present and at the moment. Wherever you are, put your attention on being there. For instance, while you are with your kids, focus on having fun with them, and when you are at work, focus on finishing your chores.
- Build a support system. Instead of isolating yourself, find a supportive community of friends and family members to lean on. Ask for their help when you need it.
- Avoid comparisons. Comparing yourself to other parents is a fruitless exercise. Instead, it may be helpful to join a support group of parents with similar circumstances, as they may be a source of advice, inspiration, experience, and support.
- Take pauses. Try to give yourself breaks so you can refresh. Either set aside 10 minutes each day for yourself or occasionally take a day or night off.
- Self-care is advisable. Be friendly and understanding to yourself. Identify strategies for prioritizing and caring for yourself.
- Look for expert assistance. Seek out counseling to help you manage your mentality and achieve a better balance in your life if you discover that you cannot cope and regularly suffer guilt, despair, sadness, or worry.
Conclusion
Having kids can involve a lot of work. You may feel overwhelmed by everything you need to do and guilty about everything you cannot do. However, managing your expectations and being kind to yourself is essential. Understand and accept that doing your best is good enough.
