Parenting Influence: Connecting Today’s Children’s Mistakes to Parental Actions

Today’s Children’s Mistakes Are The Result of Parents’ Mistakes From Yesterday

Afzal Badshah, PhD
The Motherload
5 min readJul 28, 2023

--

By Author

When it comes to raising children, the impact of parents’ behaviour cannot be underestimated. Experts in communication skills emphasize that words alone have a minimal effect on communication, constituting only 7% of the overall impact. The tone of speech accounts for 38%, while body movements and facial expressions hold a significant 55% influence.

Essentially, it is not what we say, but how we say it that truly communicates our feelings and intentions. Children, being incredibly perceptive, are highly sensitive to tone and non-verbal cues. Therefore, it is crucial for parents to maintain a polite tone, appropriate body movements, and facial expressions when conversing with their children. Failure to do so may lead children to imitate negative behavior outside of the home, based on what they observe at home.

How a child imitates the tone of adults, let’s see with an example

At a school, there was a boy who displayed an arrogant and disruptive attitude, often causing trouble for other children and even the teachers. He once went as far as threatening a teacher with harmful intentions. Upon closer examination, it was discovered that the environment at his home was one where everyone saw themselves as kings and heads of the household, without any sense of dignity or respect for others.

Photo by Courtney Kenady on Unsplash

Growing up in such an environment, the child perceived adults as having no boundaries and felt entitled to speak to others disrespectfully. Consequently, the child imitated these harmful habits, unaware of the potential consequences it may bring in the future.

Observing the children around you, it is not uncommon to find them using the same vocabulary and tone they hear from their elders at home.

Harsh language distance your children

Parents, in moments of anger or frustration, may unintentionally yell at their children. It is important to remember that children tend to copy behaviour rather than the words spoken to them. If parents consistently use negative and harsh language, the distance between them and their children may grow, leading the children to seek emotional support and share their experiences with others outside of the family circle. To maintain a strong and lasting bond with children, parents must communicate with them in a gentle and understanding manner.

Unfortunately, some parents raise their children in a manner that fails to acknowledge their true value. When children make mistakes, parents may resort to using hurtful words, verbal abuse, or even cursing them, believing it to be an expression of love. However, this misguided approach is far from loving. Children listen and interpret these words differently, often causing emotional harm. It is essential to address children with love, politeness, and appropriate language.

Identify your parenting habits that are harmful or disruptive

Do you often get angry and resort to yelling at your children?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Are you using inappropriate language when dealing with your children’s mistakes?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Parents who find themselves struggling with such habits must make a conscious effort to change their approach to communication.

Podcast on Parenting and Schooling by Dr Afzal Badshah

Bridge the gap

In many instances, parents have approached me with complaints about their children not listening to them. Some parents even express fear for their own young children. Additionally, I have observed cases where children who behave well at school change their demeanour in front of their parents, displaying disrespect and superiority. The root cause of such issues often lies with the parents. Many parents unknowingly create a distance between themselves and their children by adopting wrong parenting methods. To bridge this gap, parents need to be well-versed in child psychology and understand the impact of their actions on their children.

It is never too late to learn effective parenting techniques that promote healthy and respectful parent-child relationships.

By understanding the power of tone, body language, and facial expressions, parents can create an environment where children feel loved, valued, and respected. Through positive communication and appropriate language, parents can shape their children’s behaviour and instil values that will serve them well throughout their lives. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of parents to nurture their children’s emotional well-being and guide them towards becoming compassionate and empathetic individuals in society.

Parenting and Schooling-A Comprehensive Guide​

69 stories

The writer can be reached via Google Scholar, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and WhatsApp.

--

--

Afzal Badshah, PhD
The Motherload

Dr Afzal Badshah focuses on academic skills, pedagogy (teaching skills) and life skills.