Raising Kids Beyond Behaviour
The 3 things they don’t teach you in parenting school.
“I try to encourage her to study, but she’s not very good at it.”
“He’s never been good at maths.”
“She can’t spell.”
“Science is not his subject area.”
“He didn’t read the novel because he’s a bad reader.”
As a teacher, you hear a lot of different things during parent-teacher interviews. I’ve heard phrases like the ones above more times than I care to remember and each time I still feel my heartbreak.
My heart breaks for two reasons:
- I can’t help but wonder what other limiting beliefs this child has had placed on them.
- I recognize that there is a parent behind those comments who is desperately trying to do the best they can with the knowledge they have.
Because the truth is…parenting is a REALLY tough gig!
Protection.
Like all parents, when I first became a Mum, I instantly felt the feelings of protection. The desire to do anything and everything to protect my child from hurt, harm, and disappointment. To protect her from the big emotions of life. I wanted her to know that I would never judge her and that it is okay not to be the best.
This was when I realized how easy it is to make statements like the ones above. Statements to protect her and defend her.
The problem is, while these statements are made with the best intentions, they often have the opposite effect and instead result in a child developing a limited belief of their true potential. When excuses are made on a child’s behalf, their subconscious mind begins to believe there is no point trying because I will never be the best.
This leads to the development of self-doubt which in turn prevents a child from stepping outside of their comfort zone to try new things and take risks. Consequently leading to many missed opportunities.
So, how can I help my child achieve success?
As I have moved through the different stages of my life, there is one thing that I have recognized. That is, the most successful people in the world possess a consistent group of traits, one of which is self-belief.
If I want my child to be successful, then I need to work every day to build her self-belief, not tear it down. I need to nurture her mindset.
Now, don’t for a minute think that because I said ‘successful’ I want my child to be the best or the richest, success is not about that. Success is about having a dream and knowing that she can work towards that dream. It’s about living life to her full potential, a life of true happiness and fulfillment, whatever that might look like for her.
Back to nurturing her mindset. Perhaps the simplest yet most powerful way to do this is by being intentional with my words. I can choose words that empower her to strive for more, words that let her know that she is capable.
But it doesn’t end there, for my words to be truly effective I must also nurture our connection and build an environment that promotes growth and development.
No one is perfect.
Now, I will be the first to admit that I am far from a perfect parent, but being an effective parent is not about perfection. Being an effective parent is about being intentional. It’s about having a clearly defined goal and a plan to get there.
Even as a Mindset Focused Parenting Coach I have my ups and downs. I have certainly made limiting comments to my kids over the years so I know first-hand that it is impossible to get it right all the time.
Parenting is hard work.
But with commitment and consistency, we can still reach our goals and help our kids reach theirs too.
The Mindset Focused Parenting Framework has been intentionally designed to help you do just that. It focuses on the three key areas which you won’t learn in parenting school:
- Nurturing your child’s mindset;
- Building strong and secure connections; and
- Setting up an environment that promotes growth and development
to provide your child with maximum opportunity to reach their full potential.
All the while allowing you to enjoy the parenting journey by focusing on the things that truly matter.
Want to learn more? Join me on Instagram @mindtraction_themindsetmama
