Saying “No” Doesn’t Make You a Bad Mom
The word is more powerful than you think.
I say “no” about 100 times a day. It’s almost more natural than “yes.” My son is at the age of getting into everything and is curious about how things work. Although cute, it’s exhausting.
I say “no,” all day.
“No, you can’t eat that.”
“No, don’t open that.”
“No, you can’t go outside.”
“No, no, no.”
I am constantly aware (and reminded) that I need to set boundaries, rules, and all the things to make sure my babies become well-behaved children and adults. It’s frustrating and overwhelming. I put enough pressure on myself so I don’t need society telling me I need to do more.
Word of the day
Some days, “no” seems to be the only word I say. On those days, there are moments the anger comes automatically with it. The first “no” acts as if a bomb went off in my head unexpectedly and I must shout to make it stop. Once the first bomb goes off, there are too many bombs going off afterward, so all I hear is noise and I can’t stop saying the dreaded word.
Awareness
I acknowledge these moments of acting out by my child so instead of saying “no” I come up with alternatives to the issue at hand. Whether it’s rerouting him to play with something else, understanding he may be hungry/tired, or that I just need to pay more attention — these days I try not to react.
It’s okay
It’s natural to say no to your kids. Eventually, they will understand their boundaries and why they can’t do certain acts. However, this takes time, energy, and consistency to ensure they grasp the reasonings as to why you must say “no” every time they do certain acts.
I wish I could go into the “alternatives to saying no,” but I haven’t figured that out yet (but when I do, I will be sure to share though). This is to tell you, it’s okay. You’re doing your best and you’re doing a great job.
No, again
Although I don’t have an alternative to saying no to my children, I have found the strength to say no and set boundaries within my capabilities. You can’t say “yes” to everything, it’s exhausting. “No” has become part of my vocabulary (apart from my children) because I can now acknowledge my limits. I can’t always make it to dinners with friends, I can’t go to every event I am invited to, and I can’t always commit to sacrificing my happiness to make others happy.
Looking forward
The days of saying no to my kids have just begun. I’ve come to realize I must acknowledge my limits and must take those breaks when I’ve reached those limits. The breaks may be few and far between but they reset my mind and prepare myself for the next set of no’s to come.
One day I may miss saying no to my children, but for now, I’ll soak in the good days.
