Member-only story
PREGNANCY
So Long to My Self Identity
Another pregnancy, another farewell.
Dear,
The version of me I love the most,
You know who you are. The fun-loving, easy-going, and charismatic person you are when surging hormones and exhaustion haven’t beaten you down. The person you are outside of pregnancy and post-partum. The woman you identify as outside of being a mother.
As with our two previous pregnancies, I know you will slowly drift away from me. Those two pink lines your final boarding call before departure. I wanted to take a moment to make a pledge to you before you go. You are what makes me whole, you are who my husband fell in love with, you are who my family needs, you are what holds us all together. And I will not stop fighting for you.
During our first pregnancy, I was so transfixed by the life growing inside of me, that I didn't even notice when you snuck away. Slowly you withdrew from me, taking my confidence and positive energy with you. It wasn’t even until several months post-partum, when I started to welcome you back, that I realized you had been missing. Realized that I had been missing.
Who I am, the things I care about, my wants and needs, they were simply forgotten. I lost myself.
